As I sit here thinking about all the things I can write my mind is flooded, and my eyes are welling up with tears because of being overwhelmed by the how's, what if's, when's etc. I've been given this HUGE dream of getting to North Africa one day to be a messenger of Hope to those who in many cases don't realize that that's what they've been searching for all their lives. To get there is a hard journey, one that seems to be so incredibly daunting that my mind can't fathom how it will ever happen. I've asked friends who are currently serving in other nations if they ever doubted, and they've responded that "it's part of the journey." Though I was relieved to hear it from people I deeply respect there is still that roller coaster of emotions that I feel on a weekly basis. Sometimes it's an incredible excitement then other times my logic gets the best of me. I think though that it's my perspective and heart attitude that has to be examined.
Constantly the Lord keeps speaking "Be still and know that I am God," from Psalm 46:10. The sad thing is I don't know that I've ever realized that those words are only the first part of that verse. This is what the rest says, "I will be exalted in the nations, I will be exalted on the earth!" How could I never have known those words? In fact, I don't know that I've ever heard them taught with the first part. This isn't to point fingers, but more to show how much I've still to learn about who God is.
Today, He's given me today. Though I have plans to walk towards what He's called me to, I have to understand and be willing to adjust according to what His plans are. That means I have to stop looking at the big picture. This is what everyone wants, this is what has plagued my mind for so many months with the task of support raising so I can continue to do what God has called me to. I have wanted to provide all the facts and details and be able to speak them with a certainty. I have placed to much power in my words, and left out trusting His faithfulness explained throughout Romans. I've never known God to give the completed picture up front and not keep us relying on Him for more direction. So I tell you yes, I have my plans, and my timing...
... but I. choose. His!
I will never be in a place that I can say this is how everything is going to look, but I can say this is the path I'm on now. There is nothing wrong with planning, but as we all know there have never been plans that went absolutely the way we'd planned them. There are so many variables. I choose not to be afraid of the variables. I choose to believe the promises and words God has spoken to me, no matter what the path looks like. I can tell you my plan is to go France to learn the language, and take scouting trips into North Africa (and I feel this is the path God has shown to me) though I am not sure what it's going to look like in the process of getting there. I choose to follow Jesus. I choose to share His love. I choose to lay my life, my expectations, my rights, and even my dreams down to serve Him because He's worthy of it all.
Today I realize all pressure again is taken off my shoulders to prove the value of the ministry I'll be doing to gain support of people... and just to love God, and share about the incredible relationship I have with Jesus, and let his light shine through. I will not let the calendar or deadlines create fear in me, but to stand still knowing He is God, in the midst of every ticking minute. He will be exalted in every Nation, after all those are His words!
