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| Our group at Playa Delphines, Cancun |
... walk down the streets dodging dog poop
... not understand everything spoken around me
... sweat after bending over to put on my shoes
... eat tacos everyday
... always sing bilingual songs
... not be able to express my heart fully
... not flush my toilet paper
... live in a house with 12 people from 6 different nations ages 19-31
... miss my families big events
... always think about the ever changing exchange rate
... be stared at for being different in your neighborhood
... think of every possible way to prevent ants from destroying your food
... and so on and so on and so on...
...these are all realities of many missionaries around the world. But this is not a reality of my life that I live in Tennessee. For me to say adjusting to living in a nation that isn't my own hasn't come with difficulties would be a lie. But for me to say that I haven't learned every single day that I've been here and haven't adjusted to this life would also be a lie. Today I think I have officially hit the hill of culture shock. Don't get me wrong, it's not been difficult living here. It's become quite easy, but it doesn't change the fact that I do miss home at times. So much has happened with my family back home since me being here, and at times it's hard having only Skype or Facetime as my means of connecting with the world that is still happening back home. Truthfully us missionaries completely miss out at times. Many would say we don't miss home, and in a lot of ways I don't. I love experiencing new cultures, foods and language. I don't love missing my nieces 5th birthday and her telling me I missed it through Voxer. I don't love hearing about my sister getting engaged and just getting pictures of my mom and her shopping for her wedding dress. I don't love getting the news the my Dad is engaged and me not being in person to receive the news. Just because I'm gone from home doesn't mean I've forgotten. Just because I haven't been able to get on Skype and talk with you doesn't mean I don't want to. Truthfully, being away makes you realize how much family really means.
Today after church, I was overwhelmed and just wanted to hide in my little world not too sure exactly about what was going on inside of my heart until we ate lunch at "Johnny Rockets," I had a hand patted burger, fries and root beer float it was America on the table. Ha. Just the hour and a half that I was there my heart was so refreshed. I had a piece of home today. You see last week I began realizing that it's so easy for me to have a heart for other countries. I am so easily intrigued and moved by other cultures, but when it came to being American I wasn't proud. I always used to say I should have been born in a different country. Then last week God began revealing to me that "I'm American." It's a part of me. It's my identity. He chose me to live there. Don't get me wrong there are tons of things i disagree with, but I can't separate that from who I am. Every experience I've had has molded me and shaped me into the woman I am today. Same with every nation I've travelled up to now giving me more depths within my identity. But no matter what I will always be American. My family is there. They are apart of me, and I am apart of them. They know my heart at times better than I do. They understand my humor, they understand my moods, they understand my communication.
I know I have have went all over the place but what I want to emphasize is the fact that just because I'm called for a season to other nations doesn't mean I've forgotten you back home. In fact I've carried you with me. I show off your pictures, I rejoice in your triumphs, I cry when you're broken, and wish I could be there with you in person. On the opposite side of the coin, I wish you could be here with me experiencing what I am experiencing; laughter breaking language barriers, tasting Salbutes for the first time at a street vendor, playing with local children in a very low-income neighborhood, sorting half way rotted fruits and veggies for families who have no other option for food, rejoicing when it rains because it cooled the day, praying for individuals to encounter Jesus, worshiping God in local parks, doing evangelism in malls, etc. I literally am getting to see lives transformed by the Love of Jesus.
This is the life I've been called to. It's not always easy, and I miss a lot. But isn't Jesus worth it all? I know there is no other life I'd ever choose.
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| Connecting with the ladies circle at Cuna Maya through music. |
