Making room

Have you ever had you train of thought completely wrecked by God? Let me share a little of what God has been showing me, and keeps reminding me of. I have been in Tennessee now for almost a week and a half, but the week before I came up here I was really battling in my mind how exactly this trip was going to happen, and what the purpose of the trip really was for. Every time I found myself starting to worry about the trip I would take time go and pray and worship God and exult who he is. It was Saturday morning as I was getting ready to go to the missions base where I started processing through my mind again the financial calculations, what all I needed to do in preparation for my trip and what my trip was going to look like. When it was like all my thoughts disappeared and the though crossed my mind, "GIVE ME ROOM." I was left completely dumb founded. Knowing that God was trying to get through to me to let go my worries and trust Him in what he's asked me to do. So I continued on my day realizing that my trip would be fine, even if I didn't understand exactly how it will work out. I went to the base where that evening I was going to be leading worship coorporately for the first time in quite a while and started to prepare music for it. I started getting so agrivated in my preparations nothing seemed to be working, the music I knew wasn't flowing together, needless to say I was having issues. It was at the moment again for was reminded of the words, "GIVE ME ROOM," so I had some songs available but truly had no idea how the evening was going to go. I continued through the bbq pretty quiet trying to listen to what the Holy Spirit would speak to me, and was praying for some scripture to come to mind that would back up these words that kept playing through my head, when I was reminded of Mary and Martha's story.

Luke 10:38-42
 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with ^[a]all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

I realized there is nothing wrong with prepation as long is it isn't keeping you from God's purposes. Jesus' purpose of this trip was to share His word and the most important thing was to sit at His feet and listen. Martha was missing the fellowship with Jesus. I had let my preparations move me to frustrations instead of seeking what God's heart was in the very moment. I am so glad He reminded me before I left for TN because it could have been a REALLY hard trip. Granted, I still have soo many needs for the future, my needs for the day have been fully met and even more then I could have expected. All I can do is "Give God room," there are so many unknowns, but the one thing I know is God is so worthy of all my trust and service.

Speaking of service, let me share what my next year looks like.

1 Year Time Line:
Oct 2012-Dec 2012
- Coordinate all worship gatherings on YWAM Jax Beach campus
-Mentorship
-Organize and plan short term outreach to Brazil

Jan 2013-March 2013
-Staff Discipleship Training School
-Coordinate all worship gatherings on the campus
-Plan and setup students outreach to the Mediterranean Sea area, where we will be taking the Gospel of Jesus.

April 2013-June 2013
-Lead outreach to Mediterranean Sea
-Lead short term outreach to Brazil

July 2013-Sept. 2013
-Do a School of Ministry Development

Boasting for God's faithfulness:
1. My car had been having a lot of troubles before driving up to TN, I had checked with a lot of shops and described the symptoms, none of their diagnosises sounded good or inexpensive. So after some time (and knowing I didn't have the finances) I decided to go with the option of just putting fuel injector cleaner in my tank when I filled up in hopes that it would solve the problem. Guess what? It did!! Since being in TN the car has had no issues.
2. I have a family supports me and has been such a blessing since I've been home.
3. I knew coming up here that I was leaving my car for my little sister Haylee in faith that I would be able to make it back down to Florida in some way. (I had no clue where the finances would come from), after my support dinner last night I was able to enough money to buy my ticket which I also got discounted through my grandma. (note: I am soo thankful for the people who gave in various ways) I will also have enough money for the upcoming bills and just some living expenses.

Ways you can join my support team:
1. Become a monthly supporter, to be very vulnerable I need $1100 to cover monthly expenses. I have one monthly supporter at this moment bringing my need to $1080. Please pray about whether you can support me in this way.
2. Dedicate time to praying for me in my calling of discipleship, missions, and leading others into worshiping our wonderful God, and for all who are called to partner with me.

Cliff Diving

Standing on the edge looking down at the rough rocks below knowing that it's time to jump into the waters crashing below. My heart is racing so fast and every beat feels as if my heart my just jump out of my chest. My body shakes in excitement and fear trying not to focus on all the what if's. Then I do it, I jump! As I scream out I am so free, flying through the air not looking back only looking forward to all the possibilities. Well, this is my life!

Beyond a shadow of doubt I knew "it's my turn to jump," and that's exactly what I have done. This past Friday was my last day at Sherwin Williams. I am now officially back in full-time ministry. My literal job is listen to God's voice and be obedient in every situation He lead's me in to. How exciting!!! Yet, at the same point in the back of my mind I'm like "God do I hear your voice enough? How are my bills and responsibilities going to be taken care of?" Then He reminds me by speaking again to me showing me that He truly is the Alpha and Omega. This season is "full surrender." If I'm going to allow Him to be God in my life I have to give Him everything. The easy things, and more importantly the hard things. For me I have found that in my case there are a lot more "hard" things than "easy" things. I am realizing the sacrifices that truly have to be made in order to follow God leading as a full-time missionary. I have known since high school this was a calling on my life, but I let it go thinking I'd never be a full-time missionary nor was I capable. Funny thing is now that I have lifted my hands and surrendered to that call, I am still thinking God I'm not capable of succeeding at this call. The best thing about that statement "I'm not capable" is that GOD IS MORE THAN CAPABLE, in fact He's who gave me the vision!

Why am I sharing this with you today? Well, my hope is that you can relate! I will be the first to tell you, yes I'm afraid of the unknowns, and I have absolutely no idea how or where the finances are going to come from. What I do know is, God has called me to this life, I can be all in, or not in at all. I am trusting God as my supreme everything. From the air I'm breathing to the finances in my checking account. God is worthy to be praised in every situation. I will not allow my fears to keep me from walking in the direction God is lit up for me.

Over these past few days God has amazed me in the opportunities to see Him show up. From ministering until 3am Sunday to a group of men (yes, I had others with me) who were drawn in by us having worship in the open, to a new friend seeking what it means to place their faith in Christ. So I am also very excited for the unknown! Everyday there are new unknowns presenting themselves.

As I leave Sunday to drive home to Tennessee, another huge unknown, I am trusting God to direct every step of the way. From the gas stations I stop at to the people I fellowship with once I am home. I am trusting God fully as my provider. When Jesus sent the 70 out (Luke 10) he told them to leave everything, that all their needs would be met. I fully believe the same for myself.

As I leave for this trip please pray for a few things:
1. That I am sensitive to God's voice.
2. My car.
3. Divine appointments: whether it be for me to minister to them, or vice versa and that God would direct me to those who are supposed to be apart of my missions support team.

Now my prayer for you is that you examine your life with God. Are you where you are supposed to be with Him? And have you been obedient to His leading? That you recognize His voice like in Matthew 10, and that you be willing to sacrifice your comforts to completely full-heartedly serve and worship Him. That you JUMP!

Seasons Change

As the fall season is quickly approaching not only is the weather and daylight starting to shift, but I am also on the verge of a seasonal shift in my life as well. I just sent out my newsletters, and I am amazed by the fact that even the information on those are already out of date. 

I originally planned to work at Sherwin Williams up to January until last week during my quiet time God started to shake that up. It was this week that I realized my plans were just that, my plans. After seeking God I knew it was time for me to quit my job and really focus on support raising. So this week I gave a 3 week notice to my boss and it was amazing how much peace I received. I know beyond a shadow of doubt I was following exactly what God was leading. 

After the next three weeks I am going to be moving on to YWAM Jacksonville's campus, and then will be going through a staff training my first week there. The very next day on September 16 I will be embarking on a road trip back to TN on a deputation trip to meet and share with people about what God is leading me to do these next 2 years. I am fully trusting God to bring people who feel led to partner with me. 

(So if you are reading this and possibly feel led to meet with me please do not hesitate to contact me.) 

Quick update on some exciting things happening:

1. I am now over the worship events on the YWAM base. So I will be putting the students and staff into teams, contacting/inviting local worship teams to come and lead worship for our community nights and extended worship and intercession on Friday mornings, and will also get to play/lead worship on many occasions. 

2. I am getting the opportunity to plan and lead a team of individuals to Brazil next year on a short term outreach. (if interested let me know)

3. I will be helping with the fall school and mentoring 5 girls as they go through their discipleship training school (DTS). 

4. January I will be staff of the winter DTS, again mentoring girls, and working with the worship teams,  but I will also get the opportunity to lead and outreach to the Middle East. In preparation for this, I have began reading the book "Muslims, Christians, and Jesus" by Carl Medearis, which has already been soo informative. 

I am amazed because for the first time in a VERY long time I am going to be completely walking in what I feel God has called me to in every facet. I guess if you get nothing else from this blog I want you challenge you to be "All In" for what God is wanting to do in your life. Do not fear the unknown, but walking in complete faith that God will lead you every step of the way. Truly it's what I'm doing, and I can't wait to wake up every morning to see God in that day! 

Please be in prayer for me as I embark on this journey for: God's leading, wisdom, discernment and provision, also that I continue to grow in the depth of love I have for God. 

Also pray about how God may have you partner with me. If you would like any further information my email is mistylwallace85@gmail.com.

Blessings!

Barbie Doll Generation...

It's true we live in a Barbie and G.I. Joe generation, (especially in America). The majority of us who are now adults all had a toy of some sort the represented the perfect body type. The even sadder part is generations today now have internet/entertainment constantly reminding us of what the perfect image is. Living at the Beach this desire is soo prevalent. We are pounded with new diets, new medical procedures, new pills etc. that are supposed to assist you in gaining that perfect desirable body for all to love and appreciate. 

The first thing we have to realize is that no 2 people are the same, everyone has a different DNA makeup and it requires a different process to reach a healthy place in life. One thing I've noticed though is there are many times when one achieves that "healthy image" through an unhealthy avenue. I have seen in more scenarios than one where they received a medical procedure that one way or another caused them to loose weight at a rapid speed. after losing the weight because they were still unhappy emotionally it caused them to still seek things to make them happy and feel better about themselves and there was always something else that needed to be done like another medical procedure, or cheating on their spouses. Either way they thought that the weight loss would make them feel better, but all it changed was their images, it didn't fix the root of where their pain was really coming from. In fact, it's probably the root that caused the unhealthy self image. 

Why am I even discussing this today?? Well, like I said earlier, I now live at the Beach where the perfect bikini body is everywhere in sight. Me being a curvy woman, makes it easy for me to feel very uncomfortable in my own skin and even jealous of those who had thinness just come with their DNA makeup. I recently started working at a Cuban restaurant and there was this hostess that I kept having issues with, let's just say she really got under my skin. She walked around like she was hot stuff, flaunting herself at all the male servers, and the male servers definitely respond to her flaunting. I didn't know whether it was jealousy or the unfair treatment because of me being female that bothered me. So after a few days, I decided I needed to do everything I could to be kind to her no matter her treatment of me, (which worked btw) So I started to hear who she is from her own mouth. After many conversations what mattered the most to her, was how sexy, and sensual things were that she was involved in, she uses men to get free meals, and gifts and so on. As I got to know her more, I can't help but to be broken hearted for her because I could tell that she desired attention, and was willing to use her body to get it. So, it has made me wonder, what has made her so unhappy? 

Whether being over weight or super gorgeous we all have issues within our hearts where we aren't content completely with how we appear. The object is to attain contentment in a healthy way. When I got here about a month into my time, I did a juice fast which was partially because I wanted to lose weight quickly. Did I? Yes, I lost 11lbs in 1 week. Was that healthy? Absolutely not! I had planned to do the fast for 3 weeks, and had to stop because of different reasons, within in the 1st 2 days off of it I gained all my weight back. Since, that time I haven't really focused on losing weight ( and really haven't focused on foods I eat either) I have just gotten more active, working 2 jobs, walking on the beach as often as possibly, and just not focusing on losing weight but seeking to be in a healthier mindset through Christ. Since then I have lost all the weight I did in the week of fast plus some. Is there more discipline that I can do? Most certainly. My point is that we need to be in a healthy place spiritually first before emotional or physical health is even achievable. If you are unhappy in life identify the root, for example what has caused you to over eat/ or under eat? Once those problems are resolved then working towards a better physical health is going to be achieved in a healthy manor. 

Stop looking at the people all around you, because YOU are "fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Psalm 139:13-24

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17How precious to^b me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

19If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

22I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

This video "Doll Face" depicts everything I am speaking about, Please watch!

Just thought I would share a little bit of what I have been thinking. :)

Balancing Act:

Imagine you are on a balance beam, your mind is thinking of all the possibilities of what could go wrong. You look from side to side trying with all your might to remain centered on the beam because the last thing you want to do is fail.

Now that you have a clear picture, have you ever realized that it is so much easier to balance if you look up then if you look side to side? Well, this is the perfect analogy for what has been going on as of late in my life. God has been showing me that I spend so much time thinking of all the possibilities of what could be and I either just freeze and don't move or I fall because I am not focused where I need to be focused.

On Sunday the sermon was the presentation of the Gospel from Galatians, and since I've been a follower of Christ for some time those sermons unintentionally I tend kind of zone out. This time there was conviction that struck my heart. God showed me that I have been in a "works" mindset. I had place expectations over myself that I had to perform at a certain level in order for it to be good enough for God. Which is completely wrong! I realized I was forgetting the power of the cross. So Sunday with Sarah Young by my side I confessed that I was done trying to impress God to gain His acceptance and released myself, flaws and all, back into His hands.   Seriously felt like I could breathe deeper, and it is just the beginning of the freedom that's available through Christ.

That is just a piece of what has been going on lately. Last week was my first time attending a small group that is part of the Eleven 22 Church. The cool thing is that I have instantly connected with the girls from the group. I wound up walking on the beach with one of the girls named Emily, where we just got to know each other more. (to preface what I am about to share it is necessary for me to say that before I came to Jacksonville I thought that God might be leading me to India, but after time of searching and praying India hasn't even came back up to me once. In fact, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Africa and working within an orphanage. Though I had no idea where in Africa.) Now that you know that, Back to Emily and my walk. She shared with me that I should meet this couple from Eleven 22 that stated an orphanage in Uganda named Okoa Refuge (www.okoarefuge.org). She had no idea about my thoughts on Africa, and for me hearing that is was in Africa and was an orphanage it definitely peaked my interest. The next day was Sunday (which I've already shared what happened that evening) but during that afternoon i found the website for the orphanage. I was the first time that i felt such a connection with a ministry in a long time. I literally started crying. Am I saying I'm called to go to Uganda, no. I do think, however, even if it was just to remind me of my love for missions again and to feel the Lord's love for the nations. I am hoping to meet with that couple soon.

So spare you a novel of a blog, here are a few things that have happened since I have realized to stop my balancing act:
1. I have started to get together with friends I've made and do nights with worship on the beach.
2. I got the opportunity to minister to a guy named Tez who is currently homeless in the beach area. (Please pray with me that God with grab his heart.)
3. I have started a search for a second job, of which I have been interviewed at a Cuban restaurant and the whole interview consisted of the manager and me talking about missions and God. At the end the manager told me that he had been having a rough day and was just ready to go home, he said that my interview with him brought refreshment and changed the view of his day.

Lastly, I don't say any of this to brag, but to say that if you put your focus on God and stop the balancing act you never know what could happen. I am excited for today knowing that he will direct me for tomorrow.

Please pray with me that God will continue to speak and lead me to opportunities to advance His kingdom. Also on my journey of getting out of debt, I never know when He's gonna send me!

Raw Emotion Realization

So I have been in Jacksonville for about 1 week and today is significant and most of the day I haven't even thought about why it is soo important.

Today is Good Friday, and while most people just thank God for sending Jesus to die so their sins could be forgiven because it's what they are supposed to do, I have spent most of my day feeling separated from everyone. After realizing this week that my whole life I have identified myself as being a person who is needed by others, not saying that to sound conceited, because I was able to be strong and encouragement to others when they needed it. In fact I prided myself in being able to lift others spirits when life got hard for them. For the first time in life, no one in my life needs me. As you can tell an identity crisis is in my midst. Being needed has always been something to give me fulfillment, and now that no one "needs" me, I have for a little bit of time been feeling more and more alone. Weird how you can be in a crowd of people, and feel misplaced. Btw, I am not typing all this to be a complete downer, but to share the raw revelation I received today while crying in my loneliness.

Earlier this week, I got the chance to sit with a gentleman by the name of Jesse who saw me sitting alone in a cafe while waiting on Haylee to get out of class. It was in that very moment that I was observing all the groups around me again feeling sorry for myself for being alone, that he just randomly walked up and asked if he could sit with me (and for those of you wondering he wasn't hitting on me) But he just sat and asked if I were staff at YWAM or whether I just happened upon the cafe. After some time, I shared what brought me to Jacksonville Beach, and that I was waiting on my sister who was in the DTS. After a period of talking we got on the topic at hand of "loneliness" and he reminded me that when I feel lonely to think of Jesus, when he said it I heard it but it hadn't quite hit the heart of what he meant, until today...

From the Garden of Gethsemane to the point of crucifixion on the Cross He was completely separated from all He loved, yet He was more connected to them than He ever could have been. One specific verse I want to point out is the moment right before His earthly body finally let go, Matthew 27:46 "About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice saying, "Eli, Eli Lama Sabachthani?" that is "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?""

It was the one and only time He was separated from Father God. Imagine the heartbreak, in fact that is what is said to have caused His death in John 19:34 " But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out." Scientifically that explains events caused by a heart attack.

Though loneliness is in many ways painful, a few things I am able to remember is:

1. God will never leave me. (Duet. 31:6)

2. Remember Christ's sufferings (Col.1:24)

3. Loneliness can bring great growth and triumphs in God. It is in those moments where complete reliance on God is all you have and all you need, and that truly is the best place to be.

FYI, couple things that happened this week that may been seen as small, but were huge blessings...

1. My right turn signal went out on the drive down to FL, since I had to take Haylee to the airport this morning, I went yesterday to get it fixed. After a couple of stops I had to to go to an actual car shop where I just knew they were going to charge for the bulb and for the labor to replace it. Expecting about $20, the guy comes back in and says "O.K. you're set." I asked "how much is it?" He replied with "oh, you're fine you don't have to pay anything." I left in complete amazement and thankfulness.

2. Again at Cafe 119, a girl that I had met (one of Jesse's, whom I mentioned earlier, students) Melanie handed me a $15 gift card to a frozen yogurt shop, when I asked her "what's this for?" she just replied "I felt like I was supposed to get it for you." (seriously one of my favorite desserts)

3. At 2:30 p.m. yesterday I went for a job interview at Sherwin Williams (where the beach is visible from), I walked in the manager gave me a tour of the store, which took a total of 3 minutes because it's a small store and he said "well, I knew I was going to hire you before you even walked in the store, so you want to fill out paperwork?" (Note: they are hiring me in hopes that I'll be third key pretty quickly.)

All of the things in this blog from beginning to end are complete testimony of our God working in our lives in soo many different ways. The most important, being the transformation of our hearts. Though I am still not completely in tune to my full purpose down here, I do know God is showing me His faithfulness, and that He has never left me.

Happy Easter!

T - 6 days= ...

In T minus 6 days I move to Jacksonville Beach. Shocking!

This week I am trying not to get overwhelmed by everything that I need to do, and people that I want to see.

This weekend really got me thinking about everyone and everything here that I love, and thinking back to 2009 events.

2009 was an interesting year I had traveled to Brazil and felt the call to go back. It the midst of waiting for that day to come, I got the opportunity to serve in a local church very great, yet very different from my own. I didn't know how I was ever going to do the task that had been put in front of me to be the Interim Youth Director. In fact, I didn't know whether I even liked teenagers. None the less, I jumped in trusting that God had guided me to that point, and it was only by him I'd be able to complete the mission of teaching these very hurt youth to love and trust God again. In that short time, I made friendship with Bonnie/Mike Lilly that I didn't realize at that time would be such a huge relationship in my life today. I also didn't realize the impact I was making on those youth's lives. I went into the position knowing that October 4th I would be leaving to head back to Brazil.

The whole time I was serving I was looking forward to the next thing, and not realizing everything that was happening right around me. The day came for me to leave to move, and no one knew but I cried before entering my flight to leave: My family was in chaos, I truly loved my youth, those were among many other emotions that came flooding to the forefront. I truly questioned why God would send me away when I felt like people needed me at home. I went anyways.

While in Brazil, though I did get the chance to serve and teach, God taught me a lot, and a had a lot of time to be refreshed and separated from things that could have only caused me more harm. I look back now and realize Him sending me at the exact moment was perfect timing to grow/and strengthen for what I would come home to.

One great thing I came home to was Bonnie/Mike Lilly had left the church I was serving in and started attending my church Epiphany Baptist. Since I was a familiar face ( though I didn't truly know them) I made sure to talk to them every week. I am so thankful that I did! Bonnie Lilly has become like a second mom to me. I have been able to lean on her this past year and a half in ways that I could never explain. I feel in one way my time in that church was to develop the first initial connection with her. (I truly am soooo thankful for the Lilly's in many different ways, but that's a story for another day.)

Second thing, that I just recently realized, was the relationship and the impact I had on one particular youth. I just got the chance to meet with her for lunch, and she shared her heart, which of course blew me away! I am constantly shown how in every moment I should be reflecting God's love to others (though in many cases I find that hard to do). You don't realize the impact you could be having on an individual around you.

Now that I have thought backwards...lol... that brings me to why I have been thinking about the past. It is giving me strength to walk today.

This past weekend opened my eyes to the people and things I'm going to miss. I got to spend the whole weekend with family and friends celebrating my niece Zoey's 2nd birthday what included a party for her on Saturday and Veggie Tales Live on Sunday.

After her birthday party on Sunday, my heart was torn. I went back to asking God how can I leave now? I LOVE spending time with my niece and getting the opportunity any time I want to play with her. Also, I have become very close to my sister-in-law that is a friendship that I am soo thankful for. I want to get the chance to be with her too. The kids, and parents that were there also had me thinking about how much I don't want to not be apart of their lives. So needless to day I cried myself to sleep Saturday evening.

Then Sunday comes (though I was very excited to go see Veggie Tales Live) nothing could have prepared me for the heart ache that I would get when I went into lead Children's Worship for the last time for a while. They surprised me with miss you cards, and pictures they had colored for me. I fought back the tears, and instead jumped into worship and teaching them about obedience.

Sorry I am trying not to be long winded. But everything together hurts to think about leaving: family, friends, kiddos, ministry etc. Thinking back to God's perfect timing is what get's me through. So in t-6 days I leave to the unknown, but the past shows me that God is going to direct me and teach me, and I am sure that in the future I will look back to see the impact to huge step has made on others lives, as well as my life. This season to come I hope to not look forward to the future, but to be more aware of the happenings at this point in my life and what God is teaching now whether through me or to me.