Overcoming the uncomfortable

As many of you know for the past 2 months I have been recovering from a sprained ankle. Let's just say that it has been an incredibly difficult/painful journey and still consistently reminds me that it is still not healed. Eventhough it has been the most inconvenient obstacle to deal with in many ways that injury has brought more revelation than I could have ever imagined. On top of the ankle injury, I am also just getting over being sick for almost three weeks which included an inner and outer ear infection and major sinus/cold issues. My body, emotions, and spirit has been put through the ringer since I become staff at YWAM Jacksonville Beach. Not to mention I am still not even at 15% of the budget needed for monthly support.

I say all these things to preface me saying that God is incredibly faithful, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am exactly where God wants me in every way. I feel like I have learned more in these last 2 months about the nature and character of God than I have in my whole life, and everyday I learn even more. I have battled in my heart at times on what people would say in regards to the trails I have been facing, like "she keeps getting ill, she must be in sin, or not where God wants her," or something like "I thought you said God would provide everything, why do you not have consistent support raised." I find it easy at times to jump to the thought "oh, I'm suffering I must not be doing what God wants me to do," than to just praise Him and hold on to everything he has shown you that you are called to in spite of the difficulties.

Just recently God has shown me that following Him, in more cases than not, means you will be uncomfortable through most of the journey. I have learned unity, humility, when to rest, when to endure, and soo much more though these experiences. Those things are incredible, but the greatest thing I have learned in the process is my complete reliance on Jesus to get me through everyday! I know physically, mentally, and spiritually I do not have the strength to accomplish any of the tasks set before me without God. Through this revelation it has overflowed on to all things in my life. I am not fearful of my financial situation because I know God is faithful and has provided exactly what I have needed to the penny up to this point. I am not going to sit in pity of my pains because if I rest in Him and even read the tell tell signs my body is speaking I will be fully available when the times arise for me to be of service to God's leading. I feel like everyday through the testimony of His goodness in my life, and areas I am receiving healing God has made me more equipped for the tasks he has set before from mentoring some of the students in the Discipleship Training School, to being inclined to the leading of the Holy Spirit to highlight people when I'm just out and about that He wants to encourage through me just being willing to pray or buy a meal for. My life is no longer on-duty christian, off-duty christian. I am just a lover of Jesus and know that His heart is to have relationship with His creation, and I want to partner with Him to restore what has been lost.

Me praying for Lance's healing

I want to end this with a brief testimony of a chance that I got to pray for a gentlemen named Lance on the beach. It was this past Sunday and one of the students and I went to the beach to pray into the Father's heart for worship on Monday. Eventhough the sun was out it was kind of cold because of the sea breeze so we decided to lay down, to try to dodge the wind hitting us directly, and listened to worship. Then randomly I lifted my head of to look down the coast and saw a guy limping onto the beach with a brace on his leg. Instantly I felt like I wanted to go pray for him for healing, but was like in my head "oh course I do, he has a brace, this is just me thinking this, and I really want to just chill out." Well, I could shake the feeling and came to the conclusion after praying and waiting on the Lord to get up from my comfortable position on the sand in the warm sun to gimp my way over to him (because sand is REALLY difficult to walk in, and quite painful when you have an ankle injury), but I still didn't know how to enter into conversation with him. So I noticed they were taking pictures, and I said to God "ok, I know I can ask them if I can take a picture for them," and as soon as I said that, one of the guys looked over at me and said "Hey, can you take a picture for us??" I just laughed because God confirmed in me that was I doing exactly what I was supposed no matter how uncomfortable I was at first. So I took the pictures, and proceeded to explain what lead up to me coming to them, and then asked if I could pray for healing on Lance's behalf. So I prayed, and no from what I know he didn't get physically healed. They stated that they hoped he would be healed physical and that the prayer worked. I was then able to share the testimony of my ankle, that I have had probably 60 people pray over my ankle, and I haven't received physically healing, but in the process of it just taking it's time to heal my heart has received more healing that I could have ever imagined. I explained the Father's love to them. After finishing the conversation I went and sat back down with the amazing revelation that physically healing is always a heart healing first.

I know this is a long winded entry, but just felt all these things on my heart to share. Through all things you go through keep your eyes focused on God, I know he will show you what is happening even if you do not full understand.

"My son, do not forget my teaching,

but let your heart keep my commandments,

for length of days and years of life

and peace they will add to you.

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;

bind them around your neck;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

So you will find favor and good success

in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

and refreshment to your bones.

Honor the LORD with your wealth

and with the firstfruits of all your produce;

then your barns will be filled with plenty,

and your vats will be bursting with wine.

My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline

or be weary of his reproof,

for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,

as a father the son in whom he delights."

(Proverbs 3:1-12 ESV)

Tender TN Christmas

I can't believe this year is almost over, but before this year ends I want to update you about what is happening now and into this next year. 

I have been mentoring 5 girls who have been in the Discipleship Training School for going on 8 weeks. I have seen some amazing breakthrough and them stepping out in ways that are such blessings to witness and be apart of. A few weeks ago I even got the chance to help lead worship at a conference up in Ohio, which was a childhood dream come true. Helping with this school has definitely been stretching physically, mentally, and spiritually, but has been one of the most wonderful times of my life. There is something about following God and walking in my calling and diving deeper into it. 

As we are winding down from this school we as staff are going to get to go home for Christmas, where I will also get the chance to drive up to St. Louis, MO to represent the base at the Urbana Conference. I never thought I would get to go home and kind of expected that I would be here in FL for Christmas. Thankfully Sarah and Michael Young also are from my home town, so I am going to hitch a ride up with them, and most likely back down after they take a trip further north to Michigan, but as we all know there are expenses in traveling. We have figured that it will take $300 in gas just to get to TN and back. As we live off of monthly support I am asking that you pray about sending one time gifts so that we will all get to spend Christmas with our families. I also ask that you pray about giving so that while I am at the conference I will have a budget to eat on. This trip will be the last time we will all get to travel to see our families for at least 6 months because we are all going to be full time staff of the next school that starts in January. At this point we have 24 confirmed students and will max out at 30. We all will be mentoring again, planning all their weekly ministries times, arranging and planning the extended outreach at the end of the school, then leading the outreaches. After just being part time with the current school I know how school is going to be challenging but also very exciting. I ask that you be in prayer for Sarah and Michael as they are leading this school and that you pray that the Lord sends the staff needed to assist in the school. 

If you feel that you would like to give towards us getting home for Christmas and me getting up to St.Louis please contact me at mistylwallace85@gmail.com.

October 2012 Update

BEAUTIFUL FEET

Soo much has changed just since my last newsletter. In fact pretty much the moment I sent it out my timeline completely shifted. As many of you know I was originally planning on waiting until January to quit my job with Sherwin Williams, but after some prayer and fasting I strongly felt like I was supposed to quit as soon as I was living on the base because the work that I would be doing would be full time work. So I gave a 3 week notice to my boss and before I knew it, it was September 7^th . (note: I quit with the full knowledge that I would have to completely rely on God to provide my every need, which is where we should always be.)

It was the first week of being officially in full-time missions again, and I knew when I quit my job that I was going to journey up to Tennessee for a little more than a week to hopefully get to meet with friends and family to start building my support team. I was soo nervous for this trip as finances were in the forefront of my mind. When in a quiet time one morning I felt like God spoke “give me room.” Of course I assumed that was in regards to my finances, but found out quickly it was in every facet of my life. I drove to TN in faith that I would be able to even get back to Florida because I knew driving up I was supposed to leave my car with my sister so she’d have a way to pursue whatever it is she needs to do. Well, God provided the exact finances I needed to fly back to Jacksonville, pay my rent and other bills at the beginning of the month. I have a deeper understanding why Jesus prayed “give us this day our daily bread.”

Since I’ve been back in Florida I have jumped in feet first. The students of the discipleship training school started arriving the day after me and I have started mentoring 5 amazingly wonderful girls. All of which grown in ways that they never even thought was possible in just a short two and a half weeks. Another amazing thing that happened since being back was I got to lead a homeless man to the Lord that I had met the first week I was down here in Florida in April. It’s not every day we get to see the fruits of seeds that we helped plant. My desire is to be available for God to use, no matter how that looks. Truthfully, I have soo many stories already just since returning and I am so excited to partner with God in what he’s doing here in Jax Beach.

A few prayer requests: I had to go to the hospital because I severely sprained my ankle. I have been on crutches for almost 2 weeks, and it’s been a slow process to get full flexibility of my ankle back, but we all know a hospital visit also means hospital bills since I do not have health insurance.

Lastly my previous newsletter I sent out was just the beginning of my support raising journey. I am not even at a tenth of what I need. So to be fully vulnerable I am asking you to pray in regards to how you could financially partner with me.

In His Grip!!

Below picture is the Fall 2012 DTS and Staff

Who's your Rodney?

I am writing this wish soo much excitement in my spirit! Let me share a 4 month journey and what I got to experience tonight by the grace of Jesus. Let me back up first. And I'm pretty sure a blog a few months back touches on the very beginning of this story.

On a Monday, 4 months ago, I had only been in Jacksonville Beach for 2 months. (trying to find how to tell this story) I was at the YWAM Base with Sarah and Michael Young for dinner and sadly it was a meal that I couldn't eat. So I decided to go to a caribbean restaurant called Blue Water because they normally would have half price appetizers. It was a really rainy day and on my way to the restaurant there were a lot of homeless people sitting under the balcony of the music venue Free Bird to keep dry. I just kind of kept walking and didn't glance at them, but when I arrived at the restaurant sadly they weren't open. So as I was walking back one of the guys (Rodney) yelled out to me "Hey can you help me?" I was completely closed off at first, but still willing to listen to what he was gonna ask for, yet expecting it to be for money. Then all he asked for was pain reliever because his legs had really bad cellulitis. I responded with, "of course, but I don't have any on me, let me go get you some." I returned to the base and Apps McNorton was there and he had some I could take to him, but I asked Apps to come with me because just to be safe. We gave him the pain reliever and were just really willing to listen to all that he wanted to share. We also made friends with a gentleman named Cherokee who we also got to know (I'm still going to be interceding on his behalf). After some time of listening and sharing God was finally opening a door to present the gospel, then we were interrupted by 4 cops pulling up to make the leave the area. It was horrible, Apps and I knew we could just walk away, so we had to witness the cruelty of those cops, literally treating these people, who are already in a place of hopelessness, worse than animals. After they all left my heart was soo broken for them. I realized that we need to take time to invest in those that are the unapproachables (yes I made up that word). Until today I had only saw Rodney one time since that day. Which brings me to this amazing day!

While sitting in the dining hall of our base talking with a student, by the name of Danny, and Rodney walked by. He saw me, then walked in a door, let me point out, that is normally locked. He pointed at us and said "you are good people." He walked in and sat down and started chatting, after I mentioned I hadn't seen him in the area for a while. I started bringing back the conversations we had had in our prior meeting. He mentioned that he was just "forced" to leave an area again, and all he wanted to do was listen to the music. So I asked him if we could sing him a song. So he was very open to it. (little did I know there was another student, Gigi, sitting behind me who had just stepped out the night before and spoke life into Rodney). On to the story... we sang a song, and Danny just basically sang out a prayer over him, and I back up with some harmonies. When we stopped Rodney looked at me and said your voice hits my heart, can you sing me another song. So that's what we did, and again in the process I just sang out prayer over him, praying for God to reveal His heart to him. When I opened my eyes, Rodney was in tears. It was the last thing I expected. God was moving in his heart and at the moment he had no idea. Gigi then asked him if he had kids. Rodney said no at first, then pretty quickly said he wanted to be honest that he had 2 daughtes. Gigi then shared with him that she saw and image of him and his wife and 2 daughters on the beach and His family was restored. Which opened the door to share more of God's love with him. After some time (there are a lot of details i'm going to leave out) he asked for one more song, and he made sure to point out again that he wanted me to sing (which is really humbling). So I sang, and just was praying that the words would strike his heart. And I saw it! The moment had come, between Danny, Gigi, and I speaking the words that the Lord lead us to say, Rodney surrendered fully to God. It was soo beautiful!!!! In his utter brokenness HE CRIED OUT!! It was so true.

What would have happened if I 4 months ago had just ignored Rodney's cry for help? What would have happened if Apps and I hadn't really taken time out to listen to Rodney? What would have happened if Danny, Gigi and I hadn't been sitting in that cafe? What I'm trying to get at it that everything in our lives has a direct effect on the eternity of those around us. When I first got here I don't know if I would have had the confidence to even speak to Rodney, but through God bringing redemption into my life, I was able to be there in the moment someone else needed help. And tonight I got to witness God bring fullness to a broken man by the name of Rodney. So my question to you, who's your Rodney? Are you willing to fill the need that he has?

Please continue interceding on behalf of Rodney! He is supposed to come back to the base next Monday for our community night. Pray that we continue to get opportunities to disciple and pour into him. Pray that Rodney finds a job, receives healing physically and from his addictions, and that God does redeem his family. Thank you for taking time to read about my new brother in Christ's story. Blessing to you and your Rodney!

Making room

Have you ever had you train of thought completely wrecked by God? Let me share a little of what God has been showing me, and keeps reminding me of. I have been in Tennessee now for almost a week and a half, but the week before I came up here I was really battling in my mind how exactly this trip was going to happen, and what the purpose of the trip really was for. Every time I found myself starting to worry about the trip I would take time go and pray and worship God and exult who he is. It was Saturday morning as I was getting ready to go to the missions base where I started processing through my mind again the financial calculations, what all I needed to do in preparation for my trip and what my trip was going to look like. When it was like all my thoughts disappeared and the though crossed my mind, "GIVE ME ROOM." I was left completely dumb founded. Knowing that God was trying to get through to me to let go my worries and trust Him in what he's asked me to do. So I continued on my day realizing that my trip would be fine, even if I didn't understand exactly how it will work out. I went to the base where that evening I was going to be leading worship coorporately for the first time in quite a while and started to prepare music for it. I started getting so agrivated in my preparations nothing seemed to be working, the music I knew wasn't flowing together, needless to say I was having issues. It was at the moment again for was reminded of the words, "GIVE ME ROOM," so I had some songs available but truly had no idea how the evening was going to go. I continued through the bbq pretty quiet trying to listen to what the Holy Spirit would speak to me, and was praying for some scripture to come to mind that would back up these words that kept playing through my head, when I was reminded of Mary and Martha's story.

Luke 10:38-42
 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with ^[a]all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

I realized there is nothing wrong with prepation as long is it isn't keeping you from God's purposes. Jesus' purpose of this trip was to share His word and the most important thing was to sit at His feet and listen. Martha was missing the fellowship with Jesus. I had let my preparations move me to frustrations instead of seeking what God's heart was in the very moment. I am so glad He reminded me before I left for TN because it could have been a REALLY hard trip. Granted, I still have soo many needs for the future, my needs for the day have been fully met and even more then I could have expected. All I can do is "Give God room," there are so many unknowns, but the one thing I know is God is so worthy of all my trust and service.

Speaking of service, let me share what my next year looks like.

1 Year Time Line:
Oct 2012-Dec 2012
- Coordinate all worship gatherings on YWAM Jax Beach campus
-Mentorship
-Organize and plan short term outreach to Brazil

Jan 2013-March 2013
-Staff Discipleship Training School
-Coordinate all worship gatherings on the campus
-Plan and setup students outreach to the Mediterranean Sea area, where we will be taking the Gospel of Jesus.

April 2013-June 2013
-Lead outreach to Mediterranean Sea
-Lead short term outreach to Brazil

July 2013-Sept. 2013
-Do a School of Ministry Development

Boasting for God's faithfulness:
1. My car had been having a lot of troubles before driving up to TN, I had checked with a lot of shops and described the symptoms, none of their diagnosises sounded good or inexpensive. So after some time (and knowing I didn't have the finances) I decided to go with the option of just putting fuel injector cleaner in my tank when I filled up in hopes that it would solve the problem. Guess what? It did!! Since being in TN the car has had no issues.
2. I have a family supports me and has been such a blessing since I've been home.
3. I knew coming up here that I was leaving my car for my little sister Haylee in faith that I would be able to make it back down to Florida in some way. (I had no clue where the finances would come from), after my support dinner last night I was able to enough money to buy my ticket which I also got discounted through my grandma. (note: I am soo thankful for the people who gave in various ways) I will also have enough money for the upcoming bills and just some living expenses.

Ways you can join my support team:
1. Become a monthly supporter, to be very vulnerable I need $1100 to cover monthly expenses. I have one monthly supporter at this moment bringing my need to $1080. Please pray about whether you can support me in this way.
2. Dedicate time to praying for me in my calling of discipleship, missions, and leading others into worshiping our wonderful God, and for all who are called to partner with me.

Cliff Diving

Standing on the edge looking down at the rough rocks below knowing that it's time to jump into the waters crashing below. My heart is racing so fast and every beat feels as if my heart my just jump out of my chest. My body shakes in excitement and fear trying not to focus on all the what if's. Then I do it, I jump! As I scream out I am so free, flying through the air not looking back only looking forward to all the possibilities. Well, this is my life!

Beyond a shadow of doubt I knew "it's my turn to jump," and that's exactly what I have done. This past Friday was my last day at Sherwin Williams. I am now officially back in full-time ministry. My literal job is listen to God's voice and be obedient in every situation He lead's me in to. How exciting!!! Yet, at the same point in the back of my mind I'm like "God do I hear your voice enough? How are my bills and responsibilities going to be taken care of?" Then He reminds me by speaking again to me showing me that He truly is the Alpha and Omega. This season is "full surrender." If I'm going to allow Him to be God in my life I have to give Him everything. The easy things, and more importantly the hard things. For me I have found that in my case there are a lot more "hard" things than "easy" things. I am realizing the sacrifices that truly have to be made in order to follow God leading as a full-time missionary. I have known since high school this was a calling on my life, but I let it go thinking I'd never be a full-time missionary nor was I capable. Funny thing is now that I have lifted my hands and surrendered to that call, I am still thinking God I'm not capable of succeeding at this call. The best thing about that statement "I'm not capable" is that GOD IS MORE THAN CAPABLE, in fact He's who gave me the vision!

Why am I sharing this with you today? Well, my hope is that you can relate! I will be the first to tell you, yes I'm afraid of the unknowns, and I have absolutely no idea how or where the finances are going to come from. What I do know is, God has called me to this life, I can be all in, or not in at all. I am trusting God as my supreme everything. From the air I'm breathing to the finances in my checking account. God is worthy to be praised in every situation. I will not allow my fears to keep me from walking in the direction God is lit up for me.

Over these past few days God has amazed me in the opportunities to see Him show up. From ministering until 3am Sunday to a group of men (yes, I had others with me) who were drawn in by us having worship in the open, to a new friend seeking what it means to place their faith in Christ. So I am also very excited for the unknown! Everyday there are new unknowns presenting themselves.

As I leave Sunday to drive home to Tennessee, another huge unknown, I am trusting God to direct every step of the way. From the gas stations I stop at to the people I fellowship with once I am home. I am trusting God fully as my provider. When Jesus sent the 70 out (Luke 10) he told them to leave everything, that all their needs would be met. I fully believe the same for myself.

As I leave for this trip please pray for a few things:
1. That I am sensitive to God's voice.
2. My car.
3. Divine appointments: whether it be for me to minister to them, or vice versa and that God would direct me to those who are supposed to be apart of my missions support team.

Now my prayer for you is that you examine your life with God. Are you where you are supposed to be with Him? And have you been obedient to His leading? That you recognize His voice like in Matthew 10, and that you be willing to sacrifice your comforts to completely full-heartedly serve and worship Him. That you JUMP!

Seasons Change

As the fall season is quickly approaching not only is the weather and daylight starting to shift, but I am also on the verge of a seasonal shift in my life as well. I just sent out my newsletters, and I am amazed by the fact that even the information on those are already out of date. 

I originally planned to work at Sherwin Williams up to January until last week during my quiet time God started to shake that up. It was this week that I realized my plans were just that, my plans. After seeking God I knew it was time for me to quit my job and really focus on support raising. So this week I gave a 3 week notice to my boss and it was amazing how much peace I received. I know beyond a shadow of doubt I was following exactly what God was leading. 

After the next three weeks I am going to be moving on to YWAM Jacksonville's campus, and then will be going through a staff training my first week there. The very next day on September 16 I will be embarking on a road trip back to TN on a deputation trip to meet and share with people about what God is leading me to do these next 2 years. I am fully trusting God to bring people who feel led to partner with me. 

(So if you are reading this and possibly feel led to meet with me please do not hesitate to contact me.) 

Quick update on some exciting things happening:

1. I am now over the worship events on the YWAM base. So I will be putting the students and staff into teams, contacting/inviting local worship teams to come and lead worship for our community nights and extended worship and intercession on Friday mornings, and will also get to play/lead worship on many occasions. 

2. I am getting the opportunity to plan and lead a team of individuals to Brazil next year on a short term outreach. (if interested let me know)

3. I will be helping with the fall school and mentoring 5 girls as they go through their discipleship training school (DTS). 

4. January I will be staff of the winter DTS, again mentoring girls, and working with the worship teams,  but I will also get the opportunity to lead and outreach to the Middle East. In preparation for this, I have began reading the book "Muslims, Christians, and Jesus" by Carl Medearis, which has already been soo informative. 

I am amazed because for the first time in a VERY long time I am going to be completely walking in what I feel God has called me to in every facet. I guess if you get nothing else from this blog I want you challenge you to be "All In" for what God is wanting to do in your life. Do not fear the unknown, but walking in complete faith that God will lead you every step of the way. Truly it's what I'm doing, and I can't wait to wake up every morning to see God in that day! 

Please be in prayer for me as I embark on this journey for: God's leading, wisdom, discernment and provision, also that I continue to grow in the depth of love I have for God. 

Also pray about how God may have you partner with me. If you would like any further information my email is mistylwallace85@gmail.com.

Blessings!

Barbie Doll Generation...

It's true we live in a Barbie and G.I. Joe generation, (especially in America). The majority of us who are now adults all had a toy of some sort the represented the perfect body type. The even sadder part is generations today now have internet/entertainment constantly reminding us of what the perfect image is. Living at the Beach this desire is soo prevalent. We are pounded with new diets, new medical procedures, new pills etc. that are supposed to assist you in gaining that perfect desirable body for all to love and appreciate. 

The first thing we have to realize is that no 2 people are the same, everyone has a different DNA makeup and it requires a different process to reach a healthy place in life. One thing I've noticed though is there are many times when one achieves that "healthy image" through an unhealthy avenue. I have seen in more scenarios than one where they received a medical procedure that one way or another caused them to loose weight at a rapid speed. after losing the weight because they were still unhappy emotionally it caused them to still seek things to make them happy and feel better about themselves and there was always something else that needed to be done like another medical procedure, or cheating on their spouses. Either way they thought that the weight loss would make them feel better, but all it changed was their images, it didn't fix the root of where their pain was really coming from. In fact, it's probably the root that caused the unhealthy self image. 

Why am I even discussing this today?? Well, like I said earlier, I now live at the Beach where the perfect bikini body is everywhere in sight. Me being a curvy woman, makes it easy for me to feel very uncomfortable in my own skin and even jealous of those who had thinness just come with their DNA makeup. I recently started working at a Cuban restaurant and there was this hostess that I kept having issues with, let's just say she really got under my skin. She walked around like she was hot stuff, flaunting herself at all the male servers, and the male servers definitely respond to her flaunting. I didn't know whether it was jealousy or the unfair treatment because of me being female that bothered me. So after a few days, I decided I needed to do everything I could to be kind to her no matter her treatment of me, (which worked btw) So I started to hear who she is from her own mouth. After many conversations what mattered the most to her, was how sexy, and sensual things were that she was involved in, she uses men to get free meals, and gifts and so on. As I got to know her more, I can't help but to be broken hearted for her because I could tell that she desired attention, and was willing to use her body to get it. So, it has made me wonder, what has made her so unhappy? 

Whether being over weight or super gorgeous we all have issues within our hearts where we aren't content completely with how we appear. The object is to attain contentment in a healthy way. When I got here about a month into my time, I did a juice fast which was partially because I wanted to lose weight quickly. Did I? Yes, I lost 11lbs in 1 week. Was that healthy? Absolutely not! I had planned to do the fast for 3 weeks, and had to stop because of different reasons, within in the 1st 2 days off of it I gained all my weight back. Since, that time I haven't really focused on losing weight ( and really haven't focused on foods I eat either) I have just gotten more active, working 2 jobs, walking on the beach as often as possibly, and just not focusing on losing weight but seeking to be in a healthier mindset through Christ. Since then I have lost all the weight I did in the week of fast plus some. Is there more discipline that I can do? Most certainly. My point is that we need to be in a healthy place spiritually first before emotional or physical health is even achievable. If you are unhappy in life identify the root, for example what has caused you to over eat/ or under eat? Once those problems are resolved then working towards a better physical health is going to be achieved in a healthy manor. 

Stop looking at the people all around you, because YOU are "fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Psalm 139:13-24

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17How precious to^b me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

19If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

22I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

This video "Doll Face" depicts everything I am speaking about, Please watch!

Just thought I would share a little bit of what I have been thinking. :)

Balancing Act:

Imagine you are on a balance beam, your mind is thinking of all the possibilities of what could go wrong. You look from side to side trying with all your might to remain centered on the beam because the last thing you want to do is fail.

Now that you have a clear picture, have you ever realized that it is so much easier to balance if you look up then if you look side to side? Well, this is the perfect analogy for what has been going on as of late in my life. God has been showing me that I spend so much time thinking of all the possibilities of what could be and I either just freeze and don't move or I fall because I am not focused where I need to be focused.

On Sunday the sermon was the presentation of the Gospel from Galatians, and since I've been a follower of Christ for some time those sermons unintentionally I tend kind of zone out. This time there was conviction that struck my heart. God showed me that I have been in a "works" mindset. I had place expectations over myself that I had to perform at a certain level in order for it to be good enough for God. Which is completely wrong! I realized I was forgetting the power of the cross. So Sunday with Sarah Young by my side I confessed that I was done trying to impress God to gain His acceptance and released myself, flaws and all, back into His hands.   Seriously felt like I could breathe deeper, and it is just the beginning of the freedom that's available through Christ.

That is just a piece of what has been going on lately. Last week was my first time attending a small group that is part of the Eleven 22 Church. The cool thing is that I have instantly connected with the girls from the group. I wound up walking on the beach with one of the girls named Emily, where we just got to know each other more. (to preface what I am about to share it is necessary for me to say that before I came to Jacksonville I thought that God might be leading me to India, but after time of searching and praying India hasn't even came back up to me once. In fact, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Africa and working within an orphanage. Though I had no idea where in Africa.) Now that you know that, Back to Emily and my walk. She shared with me that I should meet this couple from Eleven 22 that stated an orphanage in Uganda named Okoa Refuge (www.okoarefuge.org). She had no idea about my thoughts on Africa, and for me hearing that is was in Africa and was an orphanage it definitely peaked my interest. The next day was Sunday (which I've already shared what happened that evening) but during that afternoon i found the website for the orphanage. I was the first time that i felt such a connection with a ministry in a long time. I literally started crying. Am I saying I'm called to go to Uganda, no. I do think, however, even if it was just to remind me of my love for missions again and to feel the Lord's love for the nations. I am hoping to meet with that couple soon.

So spare you a novel of a blog, here are a few things that have happened since I have realized to stop my balancing act:
1. I have started to get together with friends I've made and do nights with worship on the beach.
2. I got the opportunity to minister to a guy named Tez who is currently homeless in the beach area. (Please pray with me that God with grab his heart.)
3. I have started a search for a second job, of which I have been interviewed at a Cuban restaurant and the whole interview consisted of the manager and me talking about missions and God. At the end the manager told me that he had been having a rough day and was just ready to go home, he said that my interview with him brought refreshment and changed the view of his day.

Lastly, I don't say any of this to brag, but to say that if you put your focus on God and stop the balancing act you never know what could happen. I am excited for today knowing that he will direct me for tomorrow.

Please pray with me that God will continue to speak and lead me to opportunities to advance His kingdom. Also on my journey of getting out of debt, I never know when He's gonna send me!

Raw Emotion Realization

So I have been in Jacksonville for about 1 week and today is significant and most of the day I haven't even thought about why it is soo important.

Today is Good Friday, and while most people just thank God for sending Jesus to die so their sins could be forgiven because it's what they are supposed to do, I have spent most of my day feeling separated from everyone. After realizing this week that my whole life I have identified myself as being a person who is needed by others, not saying that to sound conceited, because I was able to be strong and encouragement to others when they needed it. In fact I prided myself in being able to lift others spirits when life got hard for them. For the first time in life, no one in my life needs me. As you can tell an identity crisis is in my midst. Being needed has always been something to give me fulfillment, and now that no one "needs" me, I have for a little bit of time been feeling more and more alone. Weird how you can be in a crowd of people, and feel misplaced. Btw, I am not typing all this to be a complete downer, but to share the raw revelation I received today while crying in my loneliness.

Earlier this week, I got the chance to sit with a gentleman by the name of Jesse who saw me sitting alone in a cafe while waiting on Haylee to get out of class. It was in that very moment that I was observing all the groups around me again feeling sorry for myself for being alone, that he just randomly walked up and asked if he could sit with me (and for those of you wondering he wasn't hitting on me) But he just sat and asked if I were staff at YWAM or whether I just happened upon the cafe. After some time, I shared what brought me to Jacksonville Beach, and that I was waiting on my sister who was in the DTS. After a period of talking we got on the topic at hand of "loneliness" and he reminded me that when I feel lonely to think of Jesus, when he said it I heard it but it hadn't quite hit the heart of what he meant, until today...

From the Garden of Gethsemane to the point of crucifixion on the Cross He was completely separated from all He loved, yet He was more connected to them than He ever could have been. One specific verse I want to point out is the moment right before His earthly body finally let go, Matthew 27:46 "About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice saying, "Eli, Eli Lama Sabachthani?" that is "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?""

It was the one and only time He was separated from Father God. Imagine the heartbreak, in fact that is what is said to have caused His death in John 19:34 " But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out." Scientifically that explains events caused by a heart attack.

Though loneliness is in many ways painful, a few things I am able to remember is:

1. God will never leave me. (Duet. 31:6)

2. Remember Christ's sufferings (Col.1:24)

3. Loneliness can bring great growth and triumphs in God. It is in those moments where complete reliance on God is all you have and all you need, and that truly is the best place to be.

FYI, couple things that happened this week that may been seen as small, but were huge blessings...

1. My right turn signal went out on the drive down to FL, since I had to take Haylee to the airport this morning, I went yesterday to get it fixed. After a couple of stops I had to to go to an actual car shop where I just knew they were going to charge for the bulb and for the labor to replace it. Expecting about $20, the guy comes back in and says "O.K. you're set." I asked "how much is it?" He replied with "oh, you're fine you don't have to pay anything." I left in complete amazement and thankfulness.

2. Again at Cafe 119, a girl that I had met (one of Jesse's, whom I mentioned earlier, students) Melanie handed me a $15 gift card to a frozen yogurt shop, when I asked her "what's this for?" she just replied "I felt like I was supposed to get it for you." (seriously one of my favorite desserts)

3. At 2:30 p.m. yesterday I went for a job interview at Sherwin Williams (where the beach is visible from), I walked in the manager gave me a tour of the store, which took a total of 3 minutes because it's a small store and he said "well, I knew I was going to hire you before you even walked in the store, so you want to fill out paperwork?" (Note: they are hiring me in hopes that I'll be third key pretty quickly.)

All of the things in this blog from beginning to end are complete testimony of our God working in our lives in soo many different ways. The most important, being the transformation of our hearts. Though I am still not completely in tune to my full purpose down here, I do know God is showing me His faithfulness, and that He has never left me.

Happy Easter!

T - 6 days= ...

In T minus 6 days I move to Jacksonville Beach. Shocking!

This week I am trying not to get overwhelmed by everything that I need to do, and people that I want to see.

This weekend really got me thinking about everyone and everything here that I love, and thinking back to 2009 events.

2009 was an interesting year I had traveled to Brazil and felt the call to go back. It the midst of waiting for that day to come, I got the opportunity to serve in a local church very great, yet very different from my own. I didn't know how I was ever going to do the task that had been put in front of me to be the Interim Youth Director. In fact, I didn't know whether I even liked teenagers. None the less, I jumped in trusting that God had guided me to that point, and it was only by him I'd be able to complete the mission of teaching these very hurt youth to love and trust God again. In that short time, I made friendship with Bonnie/Mike Lilly that I didn't realize at that time would be such a huge relationship in my life today. I also didn't realize the impact I was making on those youth's lives. I went into the position knowing that October 4th I would be leaving to head back to Brazil.

The whole time I was serving I was looking forward to the next thing, and not realizing everything that was happening right around me. The day came for me to leave to move, and no one knew but I cried before entering my flight to leave: My family was in chaos, I truly loved my youth, those were among many other emotions that came flooding to the forefront. I truly questioned why God would send me away when I felt like people needed me at home. I went anyways.

While in Brazil, though I did get the chance to serve and teach, God taught me a lot, and a had a lot of time to be refreshed and separated from things that could have only caused me more harm. I look back now and realize Him sending me at the exact moment was perfect timing to grow/and strengthen for what I would come home to.

One great thing I came home to was Bonnie/Mike Lilly had left the church I was serving in and started attending my church Epiphany Baptist. Since I was a familiar face ( though I didn't truly know them) I made sure to talk to them every week. I am so thankful that I did! Bonnie Lilly has become like a second mom to me. I have been able to lean on her this past year and a half in ways that I could never explain. I feel in one way my time in that church was to develop the first initial connection with her. (I truly am soooo thankful for the Lilly's in many different ways, but that's a story for another day.)

Second thing, that I just recently realized, was the relationship and the impact I had on one particular youth. I just got the chance to meet with her for lunch, and she shared her heart, which of course blew me away! I am constantly shown how in every moment I should be reflecting God's love to others (though in many cases I find that hard to do). You don't realize the impact you could be having on an individual around you.

Now that I have thought backwards...lol... that brings me to why I have been thinking about the past. It is giving me strength to walk today.

This past weekend opened my eyes to the people and things I'm going to miss. I got to spend the whole weekend with family and friends celebrating my niece Zoey's 2nd birthday what included a party for her on Saturday and Veggie Tales Live on Sunday.

After her birthday party on Sunday, my heart was torn. I went back to asking God how can I leave now? I LOVE spending time with my niece and getting the opportunity any time I want to play with her. Also, I have become very close to my sister-in-law that is a friendship that I am soo thankful for. I want to get the chance to be with her too. The kids, and parents that were there also had me thinking about how much I don't want to not be apart of their lives. So needless to day I cried myself to sleep Saturday evening.

Then Sunday comes (though I was very excited to go see Veggie Tales Live) nothing could have prepared me for the heart ache that I would get when I went into lead Children's Worship for the last time for a while. They surprised me with miss you cards, and pictures they had colored for me. I fought back the tears, and instead jumped into worship and teaching them about obedience.

Sorry I am trying not to be long winded. But everything together hurts to think about leaving: family, friends, kiddos, ministry etc. Thinking back to God's perfect timing is what get's me through. So in t-6 days I leave to the unknown, but the past shows me that God is going to direct me and teach me, and I am sure that in the future I will look back to see the impact to huge step has made on others lives, as well as my life. This season to come I hope to not look forward to the future, but to be more aware of the happenings at this point in my life and what God is teaching now whether through me or to me.

On the Horizon

It's been a long time! But it's time to get back into the swing of things and share my thoughts,

and my conversations with God :)

Have you ever gotten that tug on your heart where you know it's time to go and things are about to drastically change in your life? That recently happened to me.

I have been working at Thomas Nelson Inc. for about 6 months now and when I got this job I thought, "Yay! I will finally be able to get my feet on the ground and maybe get my own apartment, and start my own life" thinking that is what would provide me contentment. Sadly, that plan I had for myself never seemed to ever present itself as a reality. Still struggling in many different facets of my life, and after hearing from many different people, that they thought it was time for me to go. I finally started to pray about the possibilities and what that would mean. Yes, I stopped planning my own life and started asking God for direction.

Well, He answered with a ton of bricks to my heart. I knew it was time to go, so what does this mean? Where should I go? I didn't want to go somewhere that I would have no support or ways to get plugged in. In my mind, I was like "ok, I'm moving, I will get a full time or a few part time jobs, wherever I go, so I can still try to continue paying off debt, and get my own apartment eventually." The location that seemed right was Jacksonville Beach, FL. I have connections down there, opportunities to get plugged in, and a place to stay for free. Note: at that exact time I would be going there, my best friends Sarah and Michael were going to be needing help. Michael will be departing to England for 6 weeks leaving Sarah and their twins by themselves for the time period. So my mind was made up, I was going, I was excited, and completely at peace about all of it. My family expressed no fears or worries, which made the decision even better. Not to mention I will possibly get to be apart of a ministry that is just like my dream ministry.

(FYI: In this process I wanted to make sure and go to all the people who were mentors, or leaders in my life and make sure I leave correctly, and respectfully.)

So the last mentor that I got to speak to was my Pastor David. Let's just say it went exactly how expected, but also in many ways was very painful. I left the meeting feeling confused, and doubting direction. I spent that evening, and the next 3 days in prayer in regards to the points that he had brought up, and seeking direction from God who would be the only one with wouldn't insert biases where they don't belong. Here is what I feel the Lord spoke.

1. I am supposed to go to Jacksonville Beach for at least 6 weeks to assist Sarah with their twins during the time that Michael is gone to England.

2. I am being called back into the missions field, and somehow Mumbai, India plays a roll. Scriptures that played into this, that when I read them during my quiet time gave me that uh huh moment: Romans 10:15, Isaiah 52.

3. That He is going to protect me: Psalm 121

So to summarize, what's on the horizon is that I am going to Jacksonville Beach April 1st knowing one thing, that God is going to direct me. Am I going to get a job... probably just so I can support myself for the time I'm down there, but it is looking like I am going to be going back on "faith-base" support living here in the upcoming future. I am looking/praying into the missions organization that is going to facilitate my getting back into the international field.

Stay tuned... I know this Journey is just beginning. And please be in prayer with me as I seek God's guidance.