T - 6 days= ...

In T minus 6 days I move to Jacksonville Beach. Shocking!

This week I am trying not to get overwhelmed by everything that I need to do, and people that I want to see.

This weekend really got me thinking about everyone and everything here that I love, and thinking back to 2009 events.

2009 was an interesting year I had traveled to Brazil and felt the call to go back. It the midst of waiting for that day to come, I got the opportunity to serve in a local church very great, yet very different from my own. I didn't know how I was ever going to do the task that had been put in front of me to be the Interim Youth Director. In fact, I didn't know whether I even liked teenagers. None the less, I jumped in trusting that God had guided me to that point, and it was only by him I'd be able to complete the mission of teaching these very hurt youth to love and trust God again. In that short time, I made friendship with Bonnie/Mike Lilly that I didn't realize at that time would be such a huge relationship in my life today. I also didn't realize the impact I was making on those youth's lives. I went into the position knowing that October 4th I would be leaving to head back to Brazil.

The whole time I was serving I was looking forward to the next thing, and not realizing everything that was happening right around me. The day came for me to leave to move, and no one knew but I cried before entering my flight to leave: My family was in chaos, I truly loved my youth, those were among many other emotions that came flooding to the forefront. I truly questioned why God would send me away when I felt like people needed me at home. I went anyways.

While in Brazil, though I did get the chance to serve and teach, God taught me a lot, and a had a lot of time to be refreshed and separated from things that could have only caused me more harm. I look back now and realize Him sending me at the exact moment was perfect timing to grow/and strengthen for what I would come home to.

One great thing I came home to was Bonnie/Mike Lilly had left the church I was serving in and started attending my church Epiphany Baptist. Since I was a familiar face ( though I didn't truly know them) I made sure to talk to them every week. I am so thankful that I did! Bonnie Lilly has become like a second mom to me. I have been able to lean on her this past year and a half in ways that I could never explain. I feel in one way my time in that church was to develop the first initial connection with her. (I truly am soooo thankful for the Lilly's in many different ways, but that's a story for another day.)

Second thing, that I just recently realized, was the relationship and the impact I had on one particular youth. I just got the chance to meet with her for lunch, and she shared her heart, which of course blew me away! I am constantly shown how in every moment I should be reflecting God's love to others (though in many cases I find that hard to do). You don't realize the impact you could be having on an individual around you.

Now that I have thought backwards...lol... that brings me to why I have been thinking about the past. It is giving me strength to walk today.

This past weekend opened my eyes to the people and things I'm going to miss. I got to spend the whole weekend with family and friends celebrating my niece Zoey's 2nd birthday what included a party for her on Saturday and Veggie Tales Live on Sunday.

After her birthday party on Sunday, my heart was torn. I went back to asking God how can I leave now? I LOVE spending time with my niece and getting the opportunity any time I want to play with her. Also, I have become very close to my sister-in-law that is a friendship that I am soo thankful for. I want to get the chance to be with her too. The kids, and parents that were there also had me thinking about how much I don't want to not be apart of their lives. So needless to day I cried myself to sleep Saturday evening.

Then Sunday comes (though I was very excited to go see Veggie Tales Live) nothing could have prepared me for the heart ache that I would get when I went into lead Children's Worship for the last time for a while. They surprised me with miss you cards, and pictures they had colored for me. I fought back the tears, and instead jumped into worship and teaching them about obedience.

Sorry I am trying not to be long winded. But everything together hurts to think about leaving: family, friends, kiddos, ministry etc. Thinking back to God's perfect timing is what get's me through. So in t-6 days I leave to the unknown, but the past shows me that God is going to direct me and teach me, and I am sure that in the future I will look back to see the impact to huge step has made on others lives, as well as my life. This season to come I hope to not look forward to the future, but to be more aware of the happenings at this point in my life and what God is teaching now whether through me or to me.

On the Horizon

It's been a long time! But it's time to get back into the swing of things and share my thoughts,

and my conversations with God :)

Have you ever gotten that tug on your heart where you know it's time to go and things are about to drastically change in your life? That recently happened to me.

I have been working at Thomas Nelson Inc. for about 6 months now and when I got this job I thought, "Yay! I will finally be able to get my feet on the ground and maybe get my own apartment, and start my own life" thinking that is what would provide me contentment. Sadly, that plan I had for myself never seemed to ever present itself as a reality. Still struggling in many different facets of my life, and after hearing from many different people, that they thought it was time for me to go. I finally started to pray about the possibilities and what that would mean. Yes, I stopped planning my own life and started asking God for direction.

Well, He answered with a ton of bricks to my heart. I knew it was time to go, so what does this mean? Where should I go? I didn't want to go somewhere that I would have no support or ways to get plugged in. In my mind, I was like "ok, I'm moving, I will get a full time or a few part time jobs, wherever I go, so I can still try to continue paying off debt, and get my own apartment eventually." The location that seemed right was Jacksonville Beach, FL. I have connections down there, opportunities to get plugged in, and a place to stay for free. Note: at that exact time I would be going there, my best friends Sarah and Michael were going to be needing help. Michael will be departing to England for 6 weeks leaving Sarah and their twins by themselves for the time period. So my mind was made up, I was going, I was excited, and completely at peace about all of it. My family expressed no fears or worries, which made the decision even better. Not to mention I will possibly get to be apart of a ministry that is just like my dream ministry.

(FYI: In this process I wanted to make sure and go to all the people who were mentors, or leaders in my life and make sure I leave correctly, and respectfully.)

So the last mentor that I got to speak to was my Pastor David. Let's just say it went exactly how expected, but also in many ways was very painful. I left the meeting feeling confused, and doubting direction. I spent that evening, and the next 3 days in prayer in regards to the points that he had brought up, and seeking direction from God who would be the only one with wouldn't insert biases where they don't belong. Here is what I feel the Lord spoke.

1. I am supposed to go to Jacksonville Beach for at least 6 weeks to assist Sarah with their twins during the time that Michael is gone to England.

2. I am being called back into the missions field, and somehow Mumbai, India plays a roll. Scriptures that played into this, that when I read them during my quiet time gave me that uh huh moment: Romans 10:15, Isaiah 52.

3. That He is going to protect me: Psalm 121

So to summarize, what's on the horizon is that I am going to Jacksonville Beach April 1st knowing one thing, that God is going to direct me. Am I going to get a job... probably just so I can support myself for the time I'm down there, but it is looking like I am going to be going back on "faith-base" support living here in the upcoming future. I am looking/praying into the missions organization that is going to facilitate my getting back into the international field.

Stay tuned... I know this Journey is just beginning. And please be in prayer with me as I seek God's guidance.