Perfect Example

In the last few weeks I seriously have been being taken into a deeper understanding of who God is and in turn my identity has been being revealed. But this last week I received an understanding of God in such a way that I've never before seen.

Let me first start by saying I'm by nature a "fixer." I like to overcome obstacles and see individuals set free. Which in the right context is great, I can be someone who champions,  calls out truth, and identity in others because even when a person is what people would call "a bad person" I still see who they could be if surrendered to Christ. Well, in my past this gift has been very taken advantage of by men I have had relationships with. It would start by me seeing a need and trying to fill it, and in turn because of the confusion of my compassion I would develop an attraction to the person they could be instead of the reality of where they were. I wasn't just acting as their girlfriend in all honesty I was their "mother." So now here I am pouring every ounce of me into a relationship and receiving nothing back in turn. Some people respond by treating others the same way as their are being treated and looking for love from other people, but not me. I responded by pursuing them even more. I would fight for their attention anything they wanted or asked of me I would do. I mean anything. There are so many scenarios within the relationships that were unhealthy, but let me jump now to what I realized about my relationship with God and what I desire for my relationship with God. 

In the time of reflecting on my past relationships (which in actuality in the class was literally only 30 seconds maybe, because I knew the whole backstory already) I understood God's pursuit of me and it was incredibly convicting. God is wholeheartedly pursuing me and YOU. He always has, is now, and always will be. For the first time because of the memory of my pursuit of others love I could literally see what it looked like. No God doesn't do unhealthy things, but he will do whatever it takes to grab our attentions. He is the pursuer of our hearts. He aches when we, his children, turn from him and choose to give our attentions else where.

Sadly, that means I make his heart ache often.

You see what I realized is that in my relationship with God I'm very close to doing the same thing most of my ex's did to me, but to the purest, unconditional lover of my soul! The one difference is, I want to change. I want to give him more of my love, I want to know him more, I want to know what brings him joy, and what makes him hurt. Truly I want to respond to him the way he responds to me. He doesn't deserve only part of me, he is worth everything I could ever have to offer. I could live the rest of my life loving to the fullest of my ability and it still wouldn't amount to what he deserves. But in his Grace he joins me and walks with me as I am learning to die to self. Like this scripture

 Psalm 27:4

Or the song "This is My Desire," I do desire to give my full heart, and my full attention and I know that is the exact journey the Lord has me on, and I am so thankful I have him as a perfect example. 

Evangelism as I see it

Evangelism...

...just that word provokes fear in the hearts of people. Mostly because of the possible rejection they might receive.

Over the past few weeks God has really be stirring my heart. In fact every morning I wake about an hour before my alarm is even set to go off and have such a hunger and desire to hear from God. He has been transforming my heart and perspectives in such a huge way. I literally have been in awe of His creation from the dew covered spider webs, to the changing of the leaves. Not to mention when in our times of intercession for our overseas missionaries, and for unreached people groups I have received such a heart not just for a specific place I want to do ministry but a heart for the nations. Every time we intercede I literally weep at the thought of them not knowing God as I do. What a luxury I have in having a comforter, counselor, and friend who is the God of the Universe!

Last week I got the opportunity to teach the Discipleship Training School (DTS) at Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Nashville on evangelism. And as I was preparing for that teaching God was revealing so much to about the heart of evangelism instead of the common responsibility. What I came to realize even in myself the reason I always feared evangelism is because I always placed some sort of responsibility on myself for "something" to happen. So I was being driven by works instead of heart. So to put it plainly what does the heart of evangelism look like?

Again this is what I feel God has shown me and it may be different for you but let me continue:

He showed me that we first have to know the message we are delivering. When I say know, this isn't a knowledge that can be obtained just by reading but this is a heart knowledge that the Holy Spirit has given you. So what is the message? Who is Jesus really? How has it forever changed your life? These are all questions that are apart of the "knowing" the message. The Good News of Jesus Christ forever changes your heart. And honestly I feel like in these past few weeks and specifically this morning during our time of worship I received another piece of that understanding. You see to fully understand the Good News takes a constant relationship with Jesus. Because the more you understand and communicate with him the more depth he shows you. Truly you grow to love Him more and more every moment you invest in that relationship.

The second thing I felt like God showed me about the heart of evangelism is that every act Jesus did from feeding the 5,000 to healing the blind he first felt compassion for them. Saw the need and filled it. How can we take a message to a person if you aren't first willing to practically serve them, and also have a heart for them. So like the times of intercession I was expressing earlier... I have been really developing a heart of compassion but it first is developed in what I stated before in the first key... knowing the message.

The third thing is knowing the role you play, and the role the Holy Spirit plays in evangelism. You aren't the Hero, and you can't convince anyone of truth. Only the Holy Spirit has the power to transform hearts and renew minds. So that gives you the peace to know the pressure isn't on you. You aren't responsible for the way it's received you are to love them, and love God!

I could probably talk for hours about what God has been revealing to me as of late because it's been SO much. But I want you to know God wants the same for you. He wants you to pursue him to know him and to share what he reveals to you with others. Don't let the fear control you because fear really is rooted in works, which leads to the question again do you really know the Good News? When you know it it leaves no room for Fear... so that's evangelism as I see it! 

Light as a feather

No place I'd rather be...

I'm sure thats exactly what those cygnets were thinking as they floated in this pond. (Who knew a baby swan was called a cygnet? I didn't). I mean think about it, we humans get blankets made out of the down feathers because they are warm and cozy. Those babies get not only the warm feathers, but the security of their mother's wing to surround them. And that security is what reminded me of this picture. 

This weekend I've had some time to think as I've been house sitting while family is away. I got out my guitar and just started singing, as I was singing I was then convicted of my insecurity. I realized that I have been letting insecurity be apart of my everyday life, and so many things would come out of my mouth that I would later regret because of the status of my heart. My patience has been short, and my temper quick. Truthfully I've realized that my own worst enemy, myself, was creating a wedge between me and God. It was preventing me from being able to love and trust Him and others as I should. Not to mention pressures the I have been putting on myself to prove my value and worth.  In the midst of a waterfall of tears I asked forgiveness, but then I felt drawn to open my daily verse in my bible app. It was Psalm 91:1-2 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!" I knew instantly it was God's response to my crying out. He was reminding me where my security comes from.  You see we don't think of feathers something to keep us safe, but that's exactly where we are told to hide. When we place our trust and identity in the Lord, we find security and in that security we find identity and with that identity we can truly be light as a feather because we aren't carrying any of the burdens but just resting in His presence. 

Psalm 91:

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
 Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” 3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper 
And from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
 His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. 5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day; 6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. 7 A thousand may fall at your side
 And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you. 8 You will only look on with your eyes 
And see the recompense of the wicked. 9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
 Even the Most High, your dwelling place. 10 No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. 11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
 To guard you in all your ways. 12 They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra, 
The young lion and the serpent you will trample down. 14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. 15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; 
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.

16 “With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation. 

Life is a great adventure...

Where to begin?

This year has been what only can be described as completely different from what I expected last year as things were ending for the School of Worship.

Things I have not done:
1. Raise my support to the necessary level.
2. Move back to Jacksonville Beach.
3. Go to France for a scouting trip.

Things I have done:
1. Built relationships.
2. Encouraged many young people to go after the dreams God has placed in their hearts.

3. Helped multiple families by serving as a caregiver to their children.
4. Lead worship on a regular basis.
5. Teach the pre-k class at church.
6. Had a mega yard sale to raise funds towards France.
7. Go to Bonnaroo Music Festival with the Tennessee Baptist Convention to do ministry.

Holding Ashraf at "Little Egypt"

Me with new friends made at Bonnaroo            

8. Became an Aunt of 2 new nieces. Ellie Rose (now 4 mo.), and Audrey Lynn (now 4 wks).
9. Flew up to New York for a possible job only for God to show me I was still to pursue France, but hold my idea of what the plans looked like to get there loosely, and to plan on staffing the School of Worship again.
10. Assisted 4 different Short Term Outreaches for Youth With A Mission Nashville where we saw at least 10 people come to know Christ, did street evangelism, encouraged believers, worked in "Little Egypt," as well as challenged the young people to dig deeper in their personal walks with the Lord.
11. Newest thing was I got in a car accident, and am in the process of working through all logistics of insurance claims, and trying to rest enough to let my body heal. But a huge praise is that last month was my last month making a car payment due to my car being totaled. I had been about selling my car, and now (though it wasn't my idea of a good way for there to be resolution) one of the blessings out of the accident is I will no longer have that debt over my head because of the settlement. 1 step closer to being financially free!

(note: there have been a ton more things that have happened this year so far)

My car right after the wreck, it was a total loss.

So as you can see there has been an incredibly huge difference in what I planned, and what God has planned for this year. I am currently still trying to get my finances raised to start full time serving at YWAM Nashville and need at least $235 more in committed support in order to step more in that direction. But I know you wonder why you would give financially and what am I actually going to be doing.

 "Missions exists because 

Worship does not."

-John Piper

Many of you know that last year I got the opportunity to help lead a group of 12 students in pursing a deeper understanding of what it means to worship God. It was three months of intense lecture, then 2 full months of ministry/teaching/and encouraging both here in the U.S. then in Peru. It was so incredible to see the growth in each student. Getting to disciple many young people to pursue God in everything was such a blessing as well as getting to experience seeing peoples eyes opened for the first time to the Gospel of Jesus Christ while doing the outreach portion was nothing less than extraordinary! Well, as you read above in #9, I feel like God is having me put my scouting trip to France on hold because he is leading me to assist in staffing this next School of Worship again, but this time it's going to look different. In September (actually as soon as I can get in the offices) I am going to be recruiting for the school that will be ran by YWAM Nashville staff, but hosted in Cancun, Mexico. Why Cancun? Well, Hugo a dear friend of mine from Mexico City, Mexico came to America to take the School of Worship to one day be able to pioneer down in Mexico. Well, that time has finally arrived for him, and I am getting to be on that pioneering team. I am sure a lot of you could also re-call that one of the reasons originally I staffed the School of Worship was so that one day I too could pioneer the school elsewhere. John Piper says "Missions exist because Worship does not." I truly believe this statement to be true. Jesus told us " Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love your neighbors as yourself" (Luke 10:27), so as soon as we start pursuing intimacy with the Father then an automatic response of worship happens. Where we worship atmospheres shift, hearts are transformed, and people see the Father for who he really is. SO all that being said why not go an disciple others to grow in intimacy with the Father? I desire to see all eyes opened to the truth of who Jesus really is! And worshiping Him is one way eyes will be opened to the truth.

"Life is a great adventure more than 

a destination"

-Jimmie Mac

All this is in steps towards North Africa. One day I will travel to France for a season of language learning and I am sure gaining more tools in my belt for N.A., but I'd rather go in God's timing then go and miss apart of the equipping God is doing now. His timing truly is perfect and every testimony we read about in the Bible shows that everything He does in the process all has purpose. I am going towards Mexico because I know the Lord will do something there that is vital for the future. I recently chatted with my friend Jimmie, who's been an incredible encouragement through his testimonies, and shared what I felt the Lord was speaking, and his response was "Life is a great adventure more than a destination, aye?" That is precisely how I want to walk with the Lord, one day at a time. I can plan and give myself ideas of where I'm headed as long as I keep my eraser on hand whenever the plans change according to God's will.

How you can begin giving and being apart of the discipleship of young people through YWAM Nashville as we pursue intimacy with the Father through worship. 

Thank you so much for taking time to read this and for considering to be a monthly partner. Without you I could never do what I have been called to do. 

Misty

 P.S.
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via. Mistylwallace85@gmail.com

"It doesn't look anything like her"

Who are we? We are human, but what are we made up of? Over the last few weeks I have really come to realize or should I say understand how temporary this life that we live really is. In James 4 it states that our lives are "but a vapor." Here one moment gone the next. Over the last couple days though specifically this is something I've been thinking A LOT about due to my Step fathers mom passing away at the beginning of this week. She was one who lived a long life. She was raised through the great depression and multiple wars that our country has faced and I'm sure the stories she could tell were by far some of the best to be heard. I sadly didn't get the chance to hear them as it was a short time that I knew her. But going to the services these last couple days did leave a lasting imprint and thoughts in my mind.

On one side I heard her children and grand children share memories and their hearts about how incredible of a woman she was. The sanctuary was all decorated in honor of her, from pictures of her to an amazing display of the pieces of art she painted. It really was a beautiful service. Then on the other side right in the middle of the room was her body laying still in the coffin. Yes, I know you're thinking "well Misty, it was a funeral, that's generally what happens," and I know that, but it really got me thinking.

So you know, since going to past funerals I personally have never been ok with the body of the one who's passed away being put on display. I remember when a dear friend of mine lost his life I went up to the casket to pay my respects to see him one last time, and it ruined me. I looked at him, and all I could think was "thats not him, it looks nothing like him." Well, yesterday I heard the same things coming out of the mouth of Sweet Miss Louise's family. (I knew I wouldn't go up to the casket). So anyways, those words lead me down this thought process.

What are our body's other than a shell? So what are we really?
If we go all the way back to the words in Genesis where man was first created the body was formed out of dust but until God breathed his spirit into him he was lifeless. Nothing more than a puppet in His hand.. It also says Job 33:4 "The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life." That means everyone living today, all 7+billion of us, have life because of Him. Here's the thing, if he has the authority to give life, he is also the one who has authority to take it away. Which means are our lives really our own? Do we control the breath in our lungs? The thing is Him breathing life into us isn't for no reason. In Jeremiah God spoke to him stating "I knew you, before I formed you in your mothers womb." Wait, so the God of the universe had a specific plan for Jeremiah's life before he was even conceived? YES! That means if he did for Jeremiah he did for us too! It's like an artist before they paint their next piece... there is first nothing, then there's an idea of the creation and then the creation. Miss Louise gave incredible displays to this thought process. Each of us have purpose!

Now let me get back to the words "that looks nothing like her." You're right! Because it's not her. Like I said before out body's are nothing more than a shell, a home for our Spirit's to reside until the Father decides our purpose has been fulfilled. The body's of the dead will never look like the one you loved, because the Breath of Life is no longer pumping through them. Like stated earlier we need to be cautious to not take life in vain. It's fragile, it's a moment, it's gone in a blink of an eye. And only the giver of life can explain to you the purpose of your life. Do you know your Maker? Do you know your original design? No? Please do not wait until it's to late. Surrender to the one who "knew you before conception."

If you want to know more on how to surrender your life, please do not hesitate contacting me.

Blessings!

Standing Still in the Midst of Every Ticking Minute

As I sit here thinking about all the things I can write my mind is flooded, and my eyes are welling up with tears because of being overwhelmed by the how's, what if's, when's etc. I've been given this HUGE dream of getting to North Africa one day to be a messenger of Hope to those who in many cases don't realize that that's what they've been searching for all their lives. To get there is a hard journey, one that seems to be so incredibly daunting that my mind can't fathom how it will ever happen. I've asked friends who are currently serving in other nations if they ever doubted, and they've responded that "it's part of the journey." Though I was relieved to hear it from people I deeply respect there is still that roller coaster of emotions that I feel on a weekly basis. Sometimes it's an incredible excitement then other times my logic gets the best of me. I think though that it's my perspective and heart attitude that has to be examined. 

Constantly the Lord keeps speaking "Be still and know that I am God," from Psalm 46:10. The sad thing is I don't know that I've ever realized that those words are only the first part of that verse. This is what the rest says, "I will be exalted in the nations, I will be exalted on the earth!" How could I never have known those words? In fact, I don't know that I've ever heard them taught with the first part. This isn't to point fingers, but more to show how much I've still to learn about who God is. 

Today, He's given me today. Though I have plans to walk towards what He's called me to, I have to understand and be willing to adjust according to what His plans are. That means I have to stop looking at the big picture. This is what everyone wants, this is what has plagued my mind for so many months with the task of support raising so I can continue to do what God has called me to. I have wanted to provide all the facts and details and be able to speak them with a certainty. I have placed to much power in my words, and left out trusting His faithfulness explained throughout Romans. I've never known God to give the completed picture up front and not keep us relying on Him for more direction. So I tell you yes, I have my plans, and my timing... 

... but I. choose. His! 

I will never be in a place that I can say this is how everything is going to look, but I can say this is the path I'm on now. There is nothing wrong with planning, but as we all know there have never been plans that went absolutely the way we'd planned them. There are so many variables. I choose not to be afraid of the variables. I choose to believe the promises and words God has spoken to me, no matter what the path looks like. I can tell you my plan is to go France to learn the language, and take scouting trips into North Africa (and I feel this is the path God has shown to me) though I am not sure what it's going to look like in the process of getting there. I choose to follow Jesus. I choose to share His love. I choose to lay my life, my expectations, my rights, and even my dreams down to serve Him because He's worthy of it all. 

Today I realize all pressure again is taken off my shoulders to prove the value of the ministry I'll be doing to gain support of people... and just to love God, and share about the incredible relationship I have with Jesus, and let his light shine through. I will not let the calendar or deadlines create fear in me, but to stand still knowing He is God, in the midst of every ticking minute. He will be exalted in every Nation, after all those are His words!

Unwavering faith- It's what I desire

Romans 4:20-21 "No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised."

The above scripture is referring to Abraham, one of the "fathers of the faith." When I read this today it was as if I had to stop and re-read it over and over again. 

I would say I tend to be a person very driven by facts/proof, though not as uptight as some who may be considered logical thinkers. I want to be able to understand, and have a plan out of every situation I am. I want to know how things will work out. In fact, I've found that I've become less of a dare taker in some areas of life. I find myself saying, "this might hurt too much!" or I find myself passing judgement on how I would have handled a situation and even giving advice where it's unwarranted. Honestly, who am I to think my opinion matters so much? 

This past weekend I moved back in with my dad, who also has his girlfriend living with him. It was a long exhausting weekend that I am overly excited to say is finished. As I moved in though, I sensed a huge weight of how long is this going to be for? I have huge dreams and what I even feel direction from the Lord on what this year is going to consist of. Though I look at the time frames and the next few month ahead of me and wonder, "is it even possible?" I share what the plans are with people, and honestly, can't help at times but to look at the possible outcomes or what ifs? I know my dreams aren't something that I can achieve on my own. I first need God as my provider, and then his children to assist. As I've taught recently on dreams and achieving them one of the steps that are apart of seeing dreams come true, is perseverance through obstacles... well, I can boldly say I am in the meat of that step in the very moment. I look at my finances, I look at my relationships, I look at my connections and scheduling and become overwhelmed with all that is going to have to be done. How do I ask for help? What are the steps I need to take? When is the right time to pursue this said step? As you can tell I am full of many thoughts. 

The thing I'm realizing is in spite of these "thoughts/questions," this is where I must hold fast to faith and God's promises! What has he promised? What has he spoken? Do I ever need to doubt? I feel at times God used the many "men/women of faith" to remind us that they too were faced with unbelief, but they held on to the word of the Lord. I want to be that woman! I want to look at every obstacle, every battle, every moment of life with unwavering faith. It's what I desire!

I'm not the first to seek fulfillment

Today as Baylee (the little one I watch) is down for a nap I have been riddled with all kinds of thoughts plaguing my mind.

After reading through the letters of Thessalonians, I only am made more aware of those weaknesses within my life, because they were a congregation that set a great example. I've noticed by focusing more on my lack in life, I've missed growing closer to the one and only thing that brings fulfillment, Jesus.

Last week while my friends were here, we had many different discussions one of which again being the discussion of marriage (which I talked about in my last blog).

I feel that as a single woman in her late 20's watching all the younger friends (and many who I baby sat at one point in their lives) get married, have children, and settling down it tends to be quite a distraction that I have to fight daily and lately, it's been more of a losing battle. Where I should be seeing my singleness as such a luxury and a gift, I am instead viewing it as lack and allowing my insecurities to kick in.

It's amazing how when you allow yourself to get into a place of idleness in your walk with the Lord, you begin to doubt if your call on your life is just that. Settling becomes more of a reality, distractions become more frequent and honestly you don't have as much of a peace and calmness within your life.   The search begins for what can bring you comfort, satisfaction, joy, and worth. The real thing I need to realize is that this crazy desire for husband, though it's not a wrong desire to have, at this point in time is more driven from my lack of intimacy with Jesus. Through examining my heart deeper to know why. I asked, am I comparing my life to others? Am I trying to fill my loneliness with people? And is this what the Lord is speaking to me and directing me to look at in my life? None the less, there is a choice I have to make in allowing God to fill every crevice of my heart.

A while back the Lord I feel put on my heart to refrain from watching "Chic Flicks." For a long time I did that, I was so much more content. I wasn't looking for my possible husband in every guy I met, and I was blessed with new amazing friendships with women, which I know was such a blessing. Over the last few months, I have made excuses up about why it's ok for me to watch them. What has it done? 1. Filled my mind with false reality of relationships. 2. Made the desire for a significant other heighten, and even fueled jealousy/envy of those who do have relationships. 3. Distracted me from learning about true love and relationship from the only one even holding the rights to teaching me about this subject, Jesus. 4. Put me in a place of disobedience. Doesn't the Lord know whats best for me? So you know I'm not saying that everyone should have the same convictions as me, but I am saying there are things in all of our lives that give us false identity and realities that keep us from deepening our relationships with God. I don't want that for myself. I want to be taught by the Lord, who I am to be as a woman and one day a wife and mother. Until then I need to seek my contentment in him and him alone. He puts relationships with people in my life for a reason, and I need to trust him above all else. I know all my life I've been a fixer, and I've tried to fix others and myself, but how can one who is broken try to fix anyone else? Yeah, you got it, it's impossible. I need Jesus. I need Jesus. I need Jesus!

I know this may not be very insightful to some of you, but this is my heart. This is reality in choosing my Heavenly Father. My heart is broken that I would choose anything over Him! I hope that in some way you can relate to the reality and constant reminder of how black hearted we the human race really are! I hope that if you are seeking fulfillment you know you aren't the first person:

Romans 3:9-25

"What then? Are we Jews any better off? No, not at all. For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written:

"None is righteous, no, not one;

no one understands;

no one seeks for God.

All have turned aside;

together have become worthless;

no one does good,

not even one."

Their throat is an open grave they use their tongues to deceive.

The venom of asps is under their lips

Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness

Their feet are swift to shed blood;

in their paths are ruin and misery,

and the way of peace they have not known

There is no fear of God before their eyes."

Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped and the whole world may be held accountable to God. For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.

But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it-- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood to be received by faith."

See, we need Jesus! Through him we ARE fulfilled!

Food, Friends, Marriage Talk and Jesus

Me, Jenna, Lili, and Emily on a ferry to Amelia Island

It's Monday morning, and I'm reflecting on how incredible of a weekend I just finished. It was a weekend filled with quality time with some of the most incredible woman I could have been blessed with as friends. In 2012 I moved to Jacksonville Beach, FL having almost no connections within the city, I had no job, no church, no family and very few friends there (other than the incredible Young family.) I knew that if I was going to have to be ok living there, I would need to find a church and make some friends. I went to a church service with the Young's on Easter and it was amazing to see over 40 people get baptized within the one service. This is just the start of the blessing I would receive from this congregation. After that service I immediately emailed to get plugged in to a small group. Very soon after I received an email from the leader of the group Emily, who would later become one of my best friends I could ever have. I met this group of women and they welcomed me in with open arms. Though many came and went there was a group of 4 of us that remained the same. Emily, Jenna, Lili and I not only laughed and enjoyed each others company, but we have sharpened each other and gotten to see the Lord work in and through our friendship.

Emily, me, and Jenna this weekend

In June 2013, I moved back to Tennessee to work within another school offered through the organization of Youth With a Mission. Though I know it was the Lord's leading, it has been a very difficult time in my life because all of my best friends were so far from where I was. I seriously had to learn (and still am learning) to rely on God as my friend, my companion, my fulfillment and my love. Though I've had good friends here in Tennessee, I know the Lord gave me those women as a gift and couldn't wait to have time with them again when I moved back to Jax Beach.

Due to many different reason I've not returned back to Jax Beach, so it had been almost 8 months since seeing my dear friends. This weekend put to end the wait of seeing my friends Jenna, and Emily as they flew in to Nashville to visit me for the weekend (and Lili will be flying in this next month). It was filled with so much laughter, food, and unforgettable dancing. We made the decision that it would be more about quality time than what we did. So we were never rushed and took our time to just enjoy every

Sopapilla Cheesecake

moment from sitting in the apartment and chatting to listening to the incredible musicians at BBKings Blues Bar, we couldn't have asked for a better time.

Along with the adventurous trips to Nashville, and eating in many different restaurants our conversations were something to be cherished. One common thread through a lot of our conversation was "marriage," from what we want in our husbands to what  does biblical marriage look like. It was funny even the sermon at church this weekend consisted of a man's and woman's role within marriage. It was nice to chat with women in the same shoes as me and hear her perspective and even that we are sharing in the battle, and questions.

Time finally came to say goodbye after church but of course we had to end with more food, and another trip to Opryland hotel to waste a little time before they had to check in to the airport. So Thai food it was. Can we say delicious? But while at Opryland Hotel we just were wandering in and out of the stores when all of a sudden two men walked by one dressed in a centurion outfit and the other dressed as Jesus. They so kindly waived to us. But Emily and I decided we didn't want to just let them pass without getting a picture with them. So Haylee and Jenna following closely behind us while Emily and I literally were running after "Jesus." We finally reached them and asked if they'd be willing to take a picture with us and they very kindly accepted. By the way, they weren't just weirdos ha, they worked as characters within the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, FL. After taking the picture I got to ask them if they were truly believers in Christ and their response was "I don't know how we could even think of playing the roles we play without having an active relationship with the Lord." They followed by asking us a few questions that lead to me sharing what the Lord has called me to. What was cool, is that after they heard the gentleman dressed as Jesus then asked if he could pray a blessing over my life and calling. Yes, he was just a man, but that's the point, his heart was in service to the Lord. While he prayed he prayed protection over my heart and purity, and prayed for my "helpmate."Again tying into that thread through the weekend. Can I say how much of a blessing it was?

Well, now it's Monday like I said earlier and I to get my morning started read from "My Utmost for His Highest," and today it talked about sacrifice. Again taking me to the thought about marriage. But this time look at the relationship between God and his Bride. What a perfect example! Oswald chambers said "I don't throw my life away, but I willingly and deliberately lay it down for Him and His interests in other people," referring to John 15:13. This has always been my perspective on my relationship with the Lord, that when you love someone you want to lay down your life in service/sacrifice. In fact, Emily and I even discussed these exact things being the same in marriage, that selfishness is one of the main reasons marriages fail today.

Last group picture of the weekend: Emily, Haylee, me, and Jenna

So to wrap up, I hope that I can do just that. Give up my life in service to others. I know there is still so much selfish habits in my life and I pray the Lord will continue to teach me to mold me into the woman he made me to be, so I can be prepared for the gift of marriage.

I am thankful that Jesus did allow me to discuss some of the thoughts on marriage this weekend through quality time with friends while eating good food. :)

Are you listening?

My new tattoo that is a depiction of Isaiah 6:8

Isaiah 6:8

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.”

Sayra's story

Have you ever had an evening of story telling? I am finding that it is something I quite enjoy! Hearing others stories and telling mine. Though I recognize I talk a lot and have always had a problem letting others share, it is something I have grown tremendously in and am learning more and more every day what it means to listen.

The other day I got to do just that… I baked some banana chocolate chip bread, brewed some decaf coffee, and waited for my sister to return with her old friend and my new friend named Sayra. We got to sit and listen to Sayra’s story (btw, I’m not going to share much of her story because it’s her story to tell) and my heart went out to her for many different reasons some of which was because I could relate to her from my experiences. Although there was a lot I could relate to, one specific thing that I could not relate to was the fact that she wasn’t a citizen of the U.S. and for most years of her life she was an illegal immigrant. This wasn’t something she planned for herself, or even a result of her decisions, actually all of her siblings were born here in the U.S., so out of her siblings she is the only one with this battle in life. After paying a lot of money out of pocket she was able to obtain a working permit that allows her to work here in the U.S. legally, but it is only good for 2 years and she isn’t allowed to leave the country. If she were to leave the country she would give up her rights to be here with her family and the only life she has ever known. Now many Americans would take this the political route and only focus on the fact that she was illegal for many years, but let me tell you something else about her story.

She told me about the first time she’d ever heard a missionary’s testimony. Coming from the Catholic Hispanic background, when she would hear missionary she pictured a nun doing all the work. She never realized that it was something she too could do.  So from that day on whenever asked what she wanted to be when she grew up it was a missionary. I would say she was called out in that service. After hearing her story, when I asked her ‘what was stopping her from pursuing a life as a missionary?’ She reminded me about the not being able to leave the country due to her citizenship situation.  This now showed me she didn’t only want to be a missionary, but she wanted to be a foreign missionary.

Listening to the Call

This morning I woke up with a lot on my mind due to a night full of vivid dreams. I was waiting for the little girl I baby sit to arrive, when I got a text explaining she wouldn't be here today. Well, since I was up so early and had already taken time to get ready, there was no going back to sleep. I felt the tug to spend my morning seeking the Lord. I opened my "My Utmost for His Highest," and read the devotion for January 14 (since thats today). You know what its title was? "Called by God." Instantly, I knew that the Lord wanted to speak. So I started to blog, because I've found I receive a lot when I reflect on how/what God has been speaking to me as of late. The scripture that was tied to this passage by Oswald Chambers, was Isaiah 6:8. Which hit me even more since I just got this passage tattooed this past weekend. I wanted this scripture because it reminded me of missions. I mean seriously, how often do you hear missionaries quote this?? "Here am I, Send me!" It's a common occurrence. Here's the thing, it is so much deeper than that, in fact it isn't even what he said that we should be paying attention to. It was that Isaiah listened to the Lord. He didn't act out of his own motives to impress the Lord, it was merely a response to the Lord's Call! He was doing exactly what God made him to do. That was to be in relationship with Him. As I was reflecting on that scripture, the Lord reminded me of  the story from 1 Samuel 3:4-10:

"Then the Lord called Samuel, and he said, "Here I am !" and ran to Eli and said "Here I am, for you called me." But he said, "I did not call; lie down again." So he went and lay down. 

And the Lord called again, "Samuel!" and Samuel arose and went to Eli and said, "Here I am, for you called me." But he said, "I did not call, my son; lie down again." Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, and the word of Lord had not yet been revealed to him. 

And the Lord called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went to Eli and said, " Here I am, for you called me." The Eli perceived that the Lord was calling the boy. Therefore Eli said to Samuel, "Go, lie down, and if he calls you, you shall say, 'Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.'" So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 
And the Lord came and stood, calling as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant hears."

Samuel was literally born into a consecration. He existed to serve the Lord, but here you see that he listened and at first didn't realize that it was his Lord calling to him. He heard the voice so clearly, but wasn't in close enough relationship yet to be able to identify His voice. He had to learn to listen. The other thing we see is that he was "called" as well. 

Many times today Christians look at the prophets of the Bible in amazement that they heard from the Lord, and their call was so great. That's just it though... they learned to listen. I think they wanted to hear! No one can force you to listen. It takes discipline, it takes the choice to lay self down. 

Responding to your Sayra

For me, after listening Sayra's story, I realized that she has a heart for foreign missions. It's all she's ever wanted to do with her life. I am now helping her obtain her God given dream. Honestly, all she wants to do is respond to the "call on her life." Since, I have had some experience in speaking with embassy's and problem solving with visa issues I am now looking in to how legally she can do what God has laid on her heart. As you can see, I am excited to gather information to help make this possible for her. Had I not listened, and instead been self-absorbed I'd never be able to know of ways that I can possibly assist.

So, I ask you are you listening? Are you available? It may be God has you in a specific place for a reason. If you aren't listening then you may miss the very mission available to you in the moment.